Who Are You?

That is the moment every loved one of a dementia patient dreads, but knows will come.

The past month has been a tough one for my husband and probably his family. 

I am only guessing about his family, because they seem to have some communication malfunctions.  Being slightly on the outside of things, I can see this for what it is.  Two parents, 4 siblings, 4 grandkids, 1 son-in-law and 2 daughters-in-law are all trying to process this ugly thing called dementia.  Everyone acts out of their own perceptions and fears.  Some of that comes out in very hateful conversations or just a lack of all communication and all of this while trying to live through their own lives.

We could have only hoped that the past month would be status quo, but that wasn't to be.

The month started off with a birthday party for my husband's sister.  His mom had a hard time keeping his sister and neice's names correct.  That was hard for him to see.  He came home from the party deflated, but I know he was thankful for the time he spent with his family.

In the following week, we received a save the date for his oldest neice who is getting married in Las Vegas in February 2013.  A difficult realization set in as we both thought through the idea that his mom might not be able to mentally capable or phyiscally able to travel to see her first grandchild get married. 

During the past week, things have been a bit tense for my husband.  His mom was hospitalized for a short time with dehydration.  We aren't sure if she had a virus or if her medication caused her problems. 

What we learned was that when someone has dementia, they are not reliable in communicating health problems and cannot be reliable for overseeing their own medications.  Through a conversation with the Neurologist's nurse, it was suggested that it was time for the family to consider adding a home health nurse for continued care. 

Given his sister's frame of mind and increased stress level, a home health nurse is a wonderful suggestion.  His mom is taking medications which are statistically given to late stage dementia patients.  Those patients are usually in care facilities where the medications can be monitored.  A home health nurse would make it possible for her to live at home longer, which will make everyone happier.

I believe it is fear of the unknown variables that are causing the siblings to not communicate well with one another.  I wish they could see that this is a time to forge solid bonds with each other.  I hate the idea that any of them could look back on this time with regrets.

This Friday will be the next trip to the neurologist.  This will bring a change in medication.  I hope the doctor will offer some support for the family.  As someone who loves each one of these people dearly and someone who is painfully watching them all hurt, I hope they will be encouraged to seek support from others who have dealt with this awful disease.