Restlessness

I am no stranger to being restless.  In my many years of sleep deprivation, the worst part of it was the long nights of being restless.  Enduring hours and hours of tossing, turning and discomfort, I easily grew weary.

During that time, I would have quickly taken another path had it been available.  I would have chosen to sleep.  Sleep would have been a much welcomed end to the restlessness that had settled into my body and mind.

On my wall hangs a bible verse..."Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

This verse became my mantra.  With complete depletion of sanity and self sustainability, I learned to rely on God for rest.  Rest without sleep.  I know, that seems impossible, but God provided.  He gave me rest in unconventional ways when my restlessness threatened to destroy me physically and emotionally.

Recently, I have walked into another season of restlessness.  It isn't the same as before.  My heart and soul are restless. 

For so long, I have survived within the church by just showing up.  I went through quite a long stretch of being spiritually stagnant and struggling to mature.  The idea of just showing up wasn't my own, but was encouraged by wonderful, godly friends who wanted to help me persevere through this season. 

This new season I am moving into, fearfully and enthusiastically, can only be attributed to the work of God in my heart. 

Honestly, I feel as though a switch was flipped in me.  One day, one week, I'm not sure how or when...I woke up wanting more for myself.  Suddenly, just showing up wasn't enough for me and I wanted more.  I needed more. 

As life does, there seemed to be a domino effect of unfortunate events and circumstances at the exact same time that I found myself wanting more spiritually.  That led to several hard conversations with my husband and even more difficult decisions.

Thankfully, in very different ways, God was causing some restlessness in his heart too. 

Isn't it funny how God chooses to speak to us in very personal ways?  I really do believe the restlessness was brought God given and directed.

After much discussion, we agreed that we had to decide together what was important for us in a church.  To clear our minds, we chose to head to a different local church for a short sermon series. 

Our plan and hope was to clear our minds of the junk satan uses to confuse us.  We also hoped to return to our home church with a renewed spirit and appreciation. 

Again, life happens...rumors run rampant, feelings are hurt, truth is revealed and bitterness ensues.  However, we quickly learned that God was right there with us.  He was in the middle of our pain, comforting us and drawing us both to Him more than ever.

I can't wait to share more with you in the upcoming posts.  God has done amazing things in my life the past few months and I cannot wait to share more about it.