How many licks does it take to get to the center of Tootsie Pop?
How many years do you have to go to church with someone before they don't treat you like a stranger?
Ya know, I don't have the answer to either one of those questions. But, I'm pretty sure the first would be easier to figure out.
Let me share a couple experiences I had this past weekend. I should also say that these aren't the only two, but probably the two closest together.
Saturday, we were at a bbq with friends. With the exception, of two families, we have gone to church with all of these people for many, many years. Some of them, 10 years minus the 2 we were in Ohio.
We had a man come up to us and start talking. This wasn't a big deal, we knew him. We had been in small group with him, spent many of these 4th of July picnics with him, been to his house for dinner and my brother in law had worked with him at one time.
The problem, he didn't know who we were. He didn't just forget our names, he didn't remember anything about us. He said he felt like he should know us, but didn't.
On Sunday, we ran into a family we went to church with for six years. My husband worked in the sound booth with the husband and I helped the wife each year during vbs in some way or another. They didn't recognize us or engage in any conversation at all.
I'm not exaggerating when I say this often happens to us.
I suppose I am humbled each time when I figure out once again my insignificance.
Why is it that church people are like this more than anyone else?
I have run into former coworkers from a job I held for a month nearly 20 years ago and people recognize me. There are people who have worked for me or with me for short times and will stop me in a crowd. The girl who went to school with me in 6-8 grade will stop me a convenience store. So, how is it that people I "do life" with for years don't recognize or acknowledge me when they sit down right in front of me?
Could it be that people in church are caught up in their own self so much that they don't see people around them?
I'm going to say it and know it won't be a popular opinion. Is it possible that church people are some of the least caring/loving people out there?
Honestly, I am kind of kicking myself. If I could go back to my first church and the few people who told me it wasn't just that church, I'd probably apologize for not believing them. They were right. It isn't just that church. It's permeated every church everywhere.
I'm also going to offer another unpopular opinion that many will disagree with, but I know to be true from experience.
Churches cultivate strong, lifelong relationships for many people. What the church does not cultivate very well are relationships between lifelong members and those who are different. By different, I mean people who come to know Christ as an adult or those who do not have children. I fit both. I know they don't foster relationships for either of those groups. I have seen it for us and for others like us.
I will say that this has taken a toll on my fragile relationship with church. It isn't that I want significance at all. But, if I share a meal with someone multiple times, I would hope they would remember something about me.
All of this makes starting over again look even more appealing. I don't mean in finding a church, but moving to another state.
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