Content vs. God's Will

The last few weeks, I have prayed and searched for the reason why I am not content here. I should be. KC is my home. It was for 16 years and I spent 2 full years ready to come back to it.

But, it hasn't been home sweet home.

I tried. The first few months were surreal and I couldn't believe we were home. The first two months were filled with spending time with friends and family. It was great. We were home. But, it quickly dwindled to nothing. Weeks and months went by without even hearing from family and friends. Phone calls and text messages weren't returned. It felt a lot like being back in Ohio.

These past few weeks, I've had to really look at myself. Is it me? Am I just an unhappy person? Maybe if you read my blog, you'd say yes. But, in general, no. I am a happy person most of the time.

We have no idea what's going to happen with Kent's employment. We don't know where we are going to land.

That's a big thing. Because I have a little more info than I'm willing to share right now, I think I know why this transition hasn't gone well.

I don't think God wants us to be comfortable here. I don't think He has been willing to allow us to feel rooted and for good reason. I think He wants us ready to go again if that's His plan.

That's a pretty big thing to understand. I am not having an easy time because He has plans for me that I do not yet know. I've been trying to let that sink in.

Here's the other thing. He has allowed me to feel pain and disconnect here so that I would not put a place or thing or people above Him. He wants me to find contentedness in Him and His plan for my life and not in a place.

I know this! But, it's taken me quite a few months to realize that I was trying to make a place my everything. I put so much weight on this being home. I put my faith in people. I had let me skewed idea of happiness become the most important thing in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think God wants us to be pained. But, I do think He allows us to push ourselves into painful situations when it'll turn us back to Him.

I am doing my best to transition my heart fully from the complaining and hurting for what this move hasn't been to being excited for where God will lead us next. That may or may not be an actual move. I know, it will at the very least be major life changes for us.