Christmas Blues

Christmas snuck up on me this year with the move and trying to get settled. A week ago, I hadn't bought one gift. I felt like I was doing great to have the tree up and the house decorated.

We do have the excitement of being in a new home and Kent with a new job. That's a little buffer for the normal Christmas blues. But, this year is different.

There is the usual sadness over being alone, for me especially. I can't really imagine what spending Christmas with a family is really like. I never had a normal Christmas with my family and the last one was 11 years ago. I had many Christmas's with Kent's family, but was never really a part of it.

There's a profound sadness when you look at your life and realize there is only one person who wants to be with you on Christmas. One person who loves you enough to give you a gift. One person who even knows where you are or what you are doing on Christmas. Thank God for my husband. Without him, I would have nobody.

My husband is still grieving his mother this year. This is our second year without her, but she hadn't been with us for three years before that. It was five years ago this week that I called her and she didn't know who I was. I am not sure holidays will ever get any easier for him.

I have some grief of my own this year. I'll be writing about that by itself, but the loss of my grandpa has opened the door for something I never expected.

Thanksgiving was so busy for us. We were unpacking and trying to make sense of this whirlwind move. But, Christmas will be slower and it will be tougher to be alone. At least we are settled enough that I can cook instead of head to Golden Coral.

Kent has gotten to be a part of several celebrations at work. His work is really good to him. We did get invited to a gingerbread house decorating party. It was so much fun. We've also tried to pick up a couple of the local light displays and may do somethings this weekend.

We are definitely trying to overcome the blues and make new memories. We have been working hard to fight the natural bent to just sit around and wallow in our grief and pain.