You Want to Know...

...but you don't!

It seems like forever ago we started to notice problems with my mother-in-law.  In reality, it was just November.  Just a short two months ago, my husband and his siblings started to notice oddities in their mom's behavior.  Two months!

Only three weeks ago, we sat down with his parents to push them into getting to the bottom of the memory problems.  We did that only after there was a noticeable difference from November to December. 

When you look at the big picture, that's a really short amount of time.  But when we talked to them, we both were passionate about her getting the help she needed.  I think in our hearts, we were hoping for some medical excuse for the memory loss. 

His mom used every possible medical reason for her memory loss, even though each one was less viable than the last.  A few weeks of visiting one specialist after another, she was assured that her memory problem was not from leg problems, back pain, varicose veins, neck pains or blood clots.

This week, she received a solid diagnosis of dementia.  Nothing specific, such as Alzheimer's...just dementia.  Early onset and aggressive progression.

That is a lot to soak in when you consider just a few short months ago, she was still the active, family hub who was still working on occasion.

Even though we knew what was coming, I don't think anyone was really ready to hear it.  But, even that is hard to tell when most of my husband's family are natural introverts who internalize everything.

I have been asked by a couple close friends how I am doing with the news.  The obvious answer is I'm fine.  I mean she isn't my mom. 

Maybe that isn't entirely true.  For as many problems as I have had with her over the past 18 years, she has been a part of my life.  Outside of my family and my husband, nobody has been a part of my life quite that long. 

I've had many people who came into my life and were around a lot less longer...it was a devastating loss when some of those people exited my life.

Honestly, my heart is aching for my husband, his family, my mother-in-law and myself.  It is heartbreaking to know the best days have already passed and the worst is still ahead. 

There is a hint of guilt that goes along with all of this too.  We pushed so hard for her to get to the bottom of her problem and the bottom was her being handed a death sentence.  It's hard to accept that. 

I know, you might think that is too harsh of a statement but I'm a realist.  There is no cure.  There are meds that can slow the progression, but they won't fix it.  The fast progression from November to December is a possible indication of how quickly she could decline.  With my medical knowledge, I fully understand what to expect. 

But even a realist can be angry.  A realist can still be angry when they have confirmation of what they already knew.