The Bestie

In a couple hours, one of my friends will be coming over to spend part of the afternoon with me.  Not just any friend, but my best friend.  My bestest bud.  My closest confidant.  My stabilizing force.  My solid rock.  My sounding board.  My voice of reason. 

Yes, there are a spattering of good things in my life and I do enjoy sharing those too.

This is Tina.  In the friend world, she's my better half.  Literally, we are complete opposites.  And, true story, we've often been mistaken for sisters.

I met Tina during this time of year in 1998.  She interviewed for the company I was working for and was offered the job.  A couple years younger than me, she came in quiet and a bit mousy.  If you'd known me back then, you'd have though no way we'd ever be friends.  I was a tiny bit more ferocious and extremely uncomfortable with anyone quite so shy.

Newly married, transplants from small towns and without any children, we became fast friends.  Our husbands' love of the WWF would allow us become a friendly group of four. 

 

After a few years together in the marketing field, I'd leave for the big world of eye care.  A few months later, I'd drag Tina right along with me.  We worked at eye care together for nearly 10 years before my issues would force me into a permanent medical leave.

There's so much I could say about our relationship.  We take care of each other's dogs.  She's the one I call when I am in desperate need of something.  She's the one I can say anything to without fear of judgement. 

That's the broad summary of our relationship.  But wait....there's so much more.

We've been through so much together. 

Let me start with the natural stress working together will put on a relationship.  At both companies, I was put into positions of management over Tina.  It was difficult.  I wasn't always kind or fair or the least bit good at managing someone who was also my friend.  I tended to be harder on her and expect more of her because she was my friend.   She handled it all with grace and love. 

There were times when others targeted our relationship as a tool to hurt me.  When people in a business are fearful of unity through relationships, they will go out of their way to be cruel and hurtful.  We nearly let co-workers drive a wedge between us during what should have been the best of times.  Thankfully, we didn't and became closer through it all.

Tina has been by my side through a lot of down times.  She's waded through some gross stuff with me, stuff neither of us understood.  She saw the ugliness of my disorder before we knew it was a disorder.   She stuck by me through it all.  Even though she doesn't really understand it now and I think it makes her a little nervous, she's never left me. 

We've been through some difficult times at work outside of co-workers.  It's hard to learn a trusted person in the office stole nearly a half million bucks.  At a time that shattered everyone around us, we were able to stand together through it all. 

She has been with me through the lowest of lows in my marriage too.  The ugly, nasty messes I got myself into with my husband, she was right there.  There was little she could do most of the time besides listen and that's what she did.

Through some of the more difficult times, there have been times of great joy.  We have shared the joys of pregnancy during some of the same times.  Even though mine ended in loss, I was able to be there after the birth of each one of her three children.  Somehow, she managed to offer a sense of gentleness and sharing that never hurt. 

Probably the most recent loss we've walked side by side through is her mom.  Sure, there have been many along the way.  But, her mom was the hardest.  It's been a few years ago now, but still so fresh.  Diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of the month and passing by the end of the month, there was little time for her to fully grasp the loss until long after.  This was probably the only time I ever saw her vulnerable and weak.   I'm not sure I offered her much during this time beyond giving her space to grieve, but I know she knew my heart was breaking for her.

It's been more difficult to spend time together now that we don't work together.   I don't see her near as much as I used to, but that's not put any distance between us.  In fact, she's not working full time now either.  That makes the time we spend together more intentional and valued.

When we spend time together, it's because we want to.  It may only be once a month or every 6 weeks, but it's always a good time.  Whether we go shopping or out to lunch or just hang out, it's always worth the wait. 

Sometimes I forget there's someone (besides my husband) who's been in my life for so long....14 years.  I often forget that there's someone with no obligation to me who loves me and has for years.  She's loved me through the good, bad and ugly...REALLY UGLY.  How thankful I am for her.  I love her dearly and hope she always knows how much I treasure her friendship.