Time Flies

We have passed the middle of April already.  How did that happen?  I'm not really ready.

I know once Easter hits, then I have my birthday and mother's day and father's day and so on.  Like any other year, I try to not think about it and I usually fail.  But this year, it snuck up on me.

As I looked at the calendar to make dinner plans with another couple, I realized it's next week.  Ugh!  The dreaded day is next week. 

The past few years haven't been so bad.  I don't have family to celebrate my birthday, obviously.  But, for the past 3-4 years, I've had groups of friends gather for dinner or coffee.  It has helped to ease the birthday blow. 

Sadly, I don't have that this year.  Living for several months in seclusion and not being active on social media has left me with such a teeny, tiny social circle.

My husband, as much as I love him, is missing the creative birthday celebration gene. 

So, my goal is to just get through the next nine days with as little wishing-I'd-never-been-born as possible.  When next Friday comes, I will do my absolute best to not focus on the fact that nobody in my family acknowledges the day my life began.  It will be hard, but I will try.

I can't promise this is the last I will have to say about it either.  I have spent the past several months in a depression like I've never known.  The lack of family, absent love from family....it all has potential to make life even more difficult to face. 

It is far too easy to ask the same question every year.  Why am I not worth being loved by the very people who created me?