Try as I might, I can no longer fight back tears...
If you know me at all, you know I have seen evil in many shapes and sizes. Yet, sad to admit, I believe the current evil I fight the most comes in human form and sits in a church pew every Sunday.
Let me say first, I have met some very wonderful people in my home church. There are people who love me and accept me unconditionally. There are people who are willing to walk through the valleys with me and see the glory of God when they get to stand on top of the mountains with me. That is more than I thought possible and certainly more than I ever thought I deserved.
Unfortunately, all my experiences haven't been so wonderful.
I will take 100% of the blame for thinking that someone who presents themselves as a "Good Christian" is exactly that. I am learning that sometimes, people wear that "Good Christian" mask so that nobody can see the dysfunction that is swirling inside them.
It seems as though I keep experiencing this over and over. Here is what I wish I could say to these seasoned Christian women...
Biblically, you have a responsibility to set an example for those new to the faith. I know it is much easier to judge others but it says over and over in the Bible that we are to love one another, including our enemies. When you portray a "Good Christian" but your actions show a cold heart, it muddies the fresh waters where I am learning to swim. When you profess to be in God's Word daily and a model Christian, it sets my expectations of you. My expectations are that you will be a reflection of who you say you are and there will be accountability when you cause others to stumble. Your mask doesn't cover your pain, but it creates pain for others when you cannot contain what's behind the mask. I know I can be a slow learner, but while I'm still learning to swim, it would be great if you could refrain from trying to drown me.
So let's stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall. Romans 14:13
The past few years has been a quest to find godly women who are capable and willing to mentor, teach, encourage and love me. I was starved to find those things, famished after 32 years of not having any of that. More than once, I have found those covered by a mask who have caused me to stumble.
If you have ever watched a toddler learning to walk, then you understand how easy it is for them to stumble. In the Kingdom, I believe the same is true of Christians.
As I sit on that verse, I cry. Everything in me is fighting to not be angry. But I cry anyway because it hurts. Not only does it hurt when others cause me to stumble but my heart aches for the next person who cannot see what's behind the mask.
I am led back to a simple prayer I learned very early on...
God, if she's right, then please change my heart. God, if I'm right, then please change her heart.
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