In the simplistic

Oh how I loathe this time of year...

That might sound a little harsh given what the "true meaning" of Christmas is all about.  Now that I understand what God did for us by sacrificing His son for us, the birth of Christ is way more important to me.  However, I would like to use this as an opportunity to point out a couple key thoughts. 

1.  Christ likely wasn't born anywhere near December 25th.
2.  The Christmas story we see in nativity scenes is not 100% correct.
3.  The birth and life of Christ was so significant that we should not need a set time of year to celebrate, it should be celebrated daily in our lives and hearts.

Christmas time tends to bring families together and large groups of friends to share the joy of the season.  That's where I get stuck or maybe lost.  I have my husband and a few friends.  Come time for the actual holiday, all my friends have families of their own and it will be just my husband and I.  Having my husband is enough, but is also a painful reminder of our lack of children and loss of family ties.  It's also a time of painful memories of what never was in my family.

In trying to find the good in the midst of all the bad, I am holding onto something special this year.

Maybe I'll share later what Christmas' were like for me as a kid.  I'll just say that they were far from joyful and far from celebrating anything about Jesus.  Although I didn't know it at the time, Jesus had a little toe in my life as a kid. 

A neighbor once gave me a snow globe that had a very simple nativity scene and played "O Little Town of Bethlehem."  I must admit that I didn't care much about the nativity scene.  I loved the song and could get lost for hours in watching the snow.  It was an escape from the wild, dangerous world around me. 

Like everything that brought a glimpse of joy to my life, my dad hated that snow globe.  So that he wasn't able to destroy it as he had threatened, I hid it under books and clothes in my closet.  I was able to hold onto my precious snow globe for about four years.  On Christmas day when I was about 12, my dad finally followed through on his promise to take a hammer to my snow globe. 

It wasn't that he broke a toy, he did that all the time.  It was that he stole that little bit of comfort from me that was nearly impossible to find and obviously not something I could hold onto.

A few years ago, I shared that story with my husband.  That started a two year hunt for a similar snow globe that had ended with no luck. 

A few weeks ago, I shared that story with a friend.  I am not sure if she heard the disappointment in my voice or just knew I would need that kind of comfort this year more than ever. 

To my amazement and surprise, she found two snow globes with nativity scenes that play the same song.  I'm not sure what sent her on the mission, but mission accomplished.

But what she did was more than just give me a gift that I had been searching for over the past few years. 

I've spent the last year living in the realization of all the pain that my past has caused and all that others have robbed from me.  I walked into this holiday season feeling as though everything....EVERYTHING, including my hope of overcoming all of my obstacles, had been stolen from me. 

Now, I find myself sitting at various times with one of those snow globes.  Listening to the music and watching the snow, I get lost in a simple joy where nothing is stolen and everything is perfect.  It may only last for a few moments, but I hang onto those moments as tightly as I can right now.  Those moments are all that will see me through.  And all I can bring myself to ask God for in this moment is that He give me the strength to hold onto that simple picture of His love...even if just for a moment when the rest of my life is dark and swallowed up by the remains of evil.

Thank you Roxanne...