I begin by stating that in no way am I saying I am not a sinful person, because I am. However, I deal with the long-lasting effects of other's sins on a daily basis. In doing so, the waters get a little muddy and I find myself wanting to take on the guilt for another person's sin naturally.
There are many times that I think it would be easier to take the guilt, blame and consequence for other's sins from my past all as my own. Growing up face-to-face with evil, it was built deep into my soul that I am at fault for the sins of others.
As I reflect over the past few years, I see two major events in my life which have began teaching me the right place for another person's sins.
In 2007 thru 2009, I went through a lengthy process with an embezzling boss. That's probably another blog for another day too. Regardless, I immediately took on guilt of her sin. She had stolen over $375,000 over 7 years and had done so by herself. She tried to blame everyone, including me. She even changed her personal credit card info to reflect my home phone number from which I received many collection calls on bad debts.
I spent months beating myself up. Why hadn't I questioned more of what she did? How could I allow myself to trust this person? It had to be my fault. I didn't do enough and it was easy to take the blame.
Looking back, I realize now that it was her sin. When given the opportunity, I did what was right. It wasn't my sin and therefore, I could not take on the guilt of what she had done.
The other event was more personal and more painful, but the lesson was much the same.
This isn't meant as a way to share gossip, but to share the lesson I learned.
I allowed myself to become fast and close friends with a woman I believed to be biblically grounded. The way she presented herself was that of a godly woman who had a sound marriage based on faith in each other and a faith in God.
Not long after becoming comfortable in the relationship, I learned that this woman struggled with sin in the form of gossip. Of course I believed that she hated it, tried her best not to get involved in it and would never "do that" to me. At times, I found myself getting wrapped up in gossip. It would take a mindful effort on my part to not fall into her sin.
As I was learning more about being accountable and holding accountable those you love, I felt very convicted. She was less than welcoming of my thoughts that we should both try to hold one another accountable for this. However, it wasn't an issue I felt needed to end the relationship.
I believed for a long time that my "looking the other way" was what led to trudging through more sin with this same person.
It wasn't long before this woman began talking to me about her personal "affairs" and began trying to use me as her alibi when she would try to sneak off to meet her "friends." While I never allowed myself to get entangled in that web, I found myself in something else I hadn't expected.
There was a great respect I had for her husband as well, how could I now look him in the face?
Once again I found myself taking on the guilt of her sins. She was choosing infidelity and I was taking on that guilt. If I were such a good friend, how could I have not stopped her? I did confront her, but what had I said or not said right? I had to have been completely wrong for telling her that I couldn't befriend her and keep her secrets. But I couldn't do it...I couldn't sit across the table from her husband knowing what she was doing. In her words, I had not been a good friend to her.
Needless-to-say, the relationship broke apart and quite dramatically. She was more than willing to heap all the blame on me and I was willing to take it. I knew I had some how wronged her and I obviously deserved the nasty rumors, snide comments and all out hatefulness she was dishing out.
It's taken several months for me to realize that I did all that I could. By nature, I wanted to accept the blame for the relationship falling apart and for her sins. But I can't. Did I make mistakes in the relationship...yes! But her sin was not my fault and I was not responsible for her actions...not toward me, not toward her husband and certainly not toward God.
I have learned to take what is mine from that relationship and leave what is not. Regardless of what I think, say or do, I could not stop her from taking the actions that she did.
While it may not seem like a huge, life-altering lesson for most people, it will eventually be for me. Learning that I am only responsible for my own sins and not the sins of others is a huge lesson for me. It is getting my little toe in the door of healing.
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