Different Questions

Unless you have been hiding in a hole for the past week, then you obviously know about the shooting in a Connecticut elementary school.  Since it has permeated every bit of media coverage, you probably know more than you want.

While everyone seemingly struggles to understand why this would happen or what kind of person could do this, my thinking veers off in a completely different direction.

I wonder why too.  Why are people so shocked by this?  I'm so tired of the shock factor of this.  Are people living in such a fantasy world that they don't believe this kind of thing happens?   What's worse is that the general population has this same shock each and every time something like this happens.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying it isn't sad.  I'll get to that later.  I will also admit that my background makes me quite cynical and numb to this sort of thing.

I've had guns pointed at my head, trigger pulled only to be lucky enough that it was the empty chamber.  I've been shot at multiple times.  I've been stabbed.  I've had knives held to my neck.  I've been choked to the point of not breathing.  Some of that happened before I was a teenager.  I've been face to face with true evil.

Bad things happen everyday.  Adults, children, elderly, disabled...nobody is immune.

To live with shock over this is essentially saying that you believe we live in a perfect world and everything is roses and sunshine.  That's simply not true.

I saw so many friends post on fb and heard so many reporters saying that they would be hugging their children a little tighter after that massacre. 

Really? 

Granted, I don't have children so my view might again be jaded somewhat.  Shouldn't you be hugging your children everyday like there is no tomorrow?  We aren't promised tomorrow.  Regardless of the season of life or the difficulty of the child, your love and affection should be given freely and not come conditional on some fear that you could somehow lose your child in a horrific way.

Another thing I keep asking is if people are truly as ignorant as they come across. 

I've heard on tv and read on fb people referring to mental illness as being similar to or equal to demon possession. If this is your belief, you are wrong. Be careful how you categorize people verbally or even in your heart. I understand you are only trying to make sense of an irrational tragedy. However, ignorant rants only distance you from and hurt those around you who do have mental health issues. Mental health care in the US is terrible and comes with a horrible stigma. Let's not make this worse.
mental illness.


People, government leaders included, are looking at tighter gun control as a form of preventing this in the future. On the same day as this tragedy, an entire class of students in China was stabbed. Granted, nobody died but it is still lives that will be forever changed by a tragedy.   The focus really does need to be on mental health.

This next year, the mental health care guidelines are changing and it's not good.  The worst case scenarios of mental illness need the most help.  Sometimes that is multiple visits to a professional each week, extended sessions, inpatient care or medications that are extremely expensive.  Let me share something from personal experience.

I am covered by two health insurance companies.  There are only three professionals within 30 minutes of home who specialize in my particular diagnosis.  All of them accept one of my insurances, but not the other.  So, this year, I could go to a psychologist multiple times a week for 90 minutes each session.  My first insurance would cover 50% of the visit and the second would cover 50% of the leftover once my $1500 out-of-network deductible was met.

Simplified - $180 for one session would have $90 paid by primary and $45 (once deductible met) would be paid by secondary.  That's $3750 out-of-pocket for a year of mental health care with 2 insurances. 

This year, I can only get a 60 minute session.  My out-of-pocket deductible is higher.  Flex spending contributions are lower.  Coverage for sessions is worse. 

Simplified - $120 for one session would have $45 paid by primary and $35 paid by secondary (once $2000 deductible is met, which it won't be).  To go weekly, it would cost out-of-pocket $3750 for less care.

Less coverage with more restrictions on care.  There is a problem!

I don't want to close without touching on the true sadness of this.  It is incredibly sad for the families, friends, teachers and country.  It's too many lives cut short, that should have been.  There is no way around that.  It's sad. 

I can't help but feel sad for the shooter's family.  This was obviously not a healthy person, he was a sick person. 

If nothing else comes of this, I hope that there can be focus put back on caring for mental illness.  I hope that this extreme loss will make real the need for better and more mental health care.