Glitter and Girly Stuff

This past year has been one of the toughest for me in regards to dealing with my infertility.  At one time, I had over 20 friends and acquaintances who were either having babies, pregnant, just had babies or having grandchildren for the first time.  Everywhere I looked around me, there were babies.  Probably the hardest were people my age having babies.  Happy for them, but it stung a lot worse than my younger friends having babies.

I have been quietly sitting in my own anguish while skirting around as many baby showers and hospital visits as possible.  There have also been a few times that I've taken a leap out of my comfort zone and held babies.  I had not held a baby since the day an ER doctor asked me if I wanted to hold my own stillborn baby boy.  I found that it wasn't quite as painful as it had once been.

It was during my ride home from a friend's house today when I realized that I really am fortunate to have friends with small children. 

Over the past year, I've had the opportunity to spend time with a beautiful, young mama of two little girls.  Until baby sissy arrived a few weeks ago, I got to spend time with the nearly two-year-old almost every week.  Besides my nieces and nephews, she's probably the only toddler I have spent much time with. 

Let me tell you, I absolutely love this little girl.  She's such a doll.  When she says my name, which isn't easy for a kid, it just melts my heart.  She's got a huge imagination and is so well-behaved. 

I got to spend some time helping with the prep work for her upcoming birthday party.  It was fun to spend time with my dear friend and I wanted to help her out as much as possible.  A hungry newborn who has an internal feeding clock that is timed with absolute accuracy keeps her pretty worn out. 

I realized today that I wasn't just helping my friend.  This has been an opportunity to do something I wouldn't otherwise be able to do.  Purple princess birthday decorations for a little girl are full of glitter and shine and fluff and fun.  Something I will never, ever get to experience on my own.  But, thanks to my dear friend, I got to be surrounded by all of it.  My life would never offer me a chance to be covered in glitter, glue and tissue paper scraps.  It was so much fun!

It might not always be easy.  In fact, there are going to be lots of times which are down right painful reminders of what I don't have.  But, those experiences like helping with 2 year-old party decorations make it so worth it!