Extended Stay

As of April 30th, we will have been here in Ohio for two years. Where has the time gone? Oh goodness, has it only been two years? That's a conflict we both feel. So long and so short.

Currently, we have no plans to move back or anywhere. My husband may or may not look for other opportunities, but we will be or stay wherever God would have us.

There's no surprise to anyone who knows me well that socially I am still struggling socially. I don't need to go into all the reasons why. It is what it is and time is possibly the only thing that will change it. Two years ago, I had constant contact with people. Everyday. I spent six years having someone with me everyday of my life, all day long. Since moving, I have limited contact with anyone. Working in the church office does give me a tiny bit more weekly contact with people.

Also not a surprise, one of my KC friends has seen this struggle in me. A couple weeks ago, she invited me to KC for an extended stay. It sounded glorious. I immediately said yes. Then just as quickly realized I'd have some details to work out.

My job. I have a job now. Thankfully, that was easily worked out. My puppy. Remi is a year old, but can't be left alone not kenneled. It wouldn't be fair for me to leave him for an extended period of time to be kenneled while my husband is at work. That was worked out by an additional invite for Remi. Travel. I don't fly or drive much at all. I certainly don't drive in the city. That worked out by planning around a friends road trip to Ohio.

With no obvious obstacles in the way, Remi and I are set to spend some quality time in KC this spring.

There's an excitement. There's also a boat load of anxiety.

I have scheduled a hair appointment with my friend. An eye appointment with my favorite doc. Lunch with a couple people and a couple girls dates with another friend. A play date for Remi with his brother who just went to KC and a few other things.

I'm almost two months away from our trip and I already have anxiety. First of all, we are stay in a home with no pets. I am fearful Remi will be naughty. He's always been good when we've traveled. He's a well traveled pup. He went on his first road trip at eight weeks and made a 15 hour trip to Kansas at three months. Kansas and Missouri multiple times, Indiana, Kentucky and Florida. We've stayed in hotels, condos and homes. Outside of pooping on the floor maybe a couple times, he's been perfect. I probably don't have a lot to worry about, but I do.

With very little exception, I don't have much contact with friends in KC. It isn't that I don't care or they don't care. Life has moved on and we've lost touch. Some have changed a lot in two years, while others have remained consistent. But, there's a distance there. I'm afraid that they will be busy or not interested. There's nothing I'd like more than to see them as if nothing has changed and no time has passed.

My inclination is to plan to see my brothers family. Except my niece, I've not seen any of them in over a year. There's so much turmoil that comes with that. I can't even think about it without a near panic attack. Not seeing them causes almost as much anxiety.

I do fear being homesick, missing the other dogs and my husband. I'm afraid I'll be lonely and the trip will be wasted.

My birthday also falls during that time. I'd not really thought about it much since last year, but I'm very blah about my birthday this year. A bit resentful that my 40th was such as bust. I just don't care about this one. The one before sucked too. I know it'll be fine and I have extremely low....no...expectations.

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the opportunity. I have two people who are going above and beyond to make it happen. I know one of them has and will continue to pray. I don't have a bad attitude about any of it. It's just something new. It maybe exactly what I need. It maybe an experience better had only once. I'm sure I'll work through some of the anxiety.