Green and Pink

While I got ready today, I laid out my next blog topic. And, once again, my mind was changed by the time I sat down to write.

I woke up with frustration over so much in my life. Some days, I can think about it and move on without much hesitation. Today wasn't going to be one of those days, I wasn't going to let that happen. I wanted to be frustrated. I deserve to be frustrated. I haven't driven in months. It is rare to have time alone. Right now, every day a war begins for me before my feet hit the floor and battle goes on inside me until my eyes close at night. I wanted to be frustrated about that!

But, all of that escaped me. As I sat in the sun and consume all that surrounded me, I began to lose my frustrations. The pink and white flowers that were in various stages of bloom drew me in and the sounds of the birds captivated my thoughts. The bright green trees caught the gentle breeze and gave me a slight wave as if they were welcoming me to join them.

During a therapy session in November of 2008, I watched a video that, at the time, I thought was nothing more than silly jabber that would never be of use to me. But, now I recall how the doctor talked about taking a deep breath in and exhaling all the anxiety and bad thoughts out.

Breathe in fresh air, forcing out all that was bad. In with the good, out with the bad. Yes, that was what was happening to me. The silly jabber was coming back to me and I was doing just that.

It didn't seem to be happening by choice. I wasn't sitting there doing anything special. It was a natural process and it was taking hold me right then and there.

My day could have begun and stayed in that ugly frustration. It would have been ok if it had. In all reality, that frustration will likely return and sooner than I'd wish.

But I cannot deny that, even if for a short time, I was able to let go of all that was wrong and live in the beauty of all that was right.

Ahhh, I live for moments like this and moments like this give me reason to live.