From A Distance

Yes, a beautiful song which is way over used at funerals.  But...that's not where I am going this time.

Last week, the oldest of my brothers turned 35 years old.  As I  often do, I try not to think about the day because of the pain it brings.  That's how I tend to deal with all family birthdays, holidays or other significant events.  It's not always a successful way to deal with it, but the one I try the most.

The truth is that the pain gets harder and harder each year.  The truth is I miss my brothers, nieces, nephews and sister-in-law so much.  The youngest of my nephews does not know who I am and I do not know him. 

Over four years of distance from all of them has been necessary for my own health, but it's come with a huge price.  Nothing could possibly make this pain less, not anything that would be good for me.

As I reflected on my brother's birthday last week, I made two observations.  Without the past four years of growing, these observations would not have been possible.

The first is that the distance between us does not mean I cannot love them.  I can hurt when I hurt, provided I know when that happens.  I can rejoice when they do.  And, I can love them deeply.  Distance in miles and relationship does not dictate that I cannot love them still.  I can even love them regardless of how they feel about me.

The second and most important observation I made was the reality of what heaven has to offer with respect to those family members.  If each of them comes to a point in life where they choose to accept Christ, then the distance is only a wordly temporary. 

That distance which is so painful now is only temporary during our time on earth.  I began to grasp just how important their eternal life is to me.  This idea that I they too could have eternal life with Christ has given me a new passion to pray for their salvation. 

No birthday card, Christmas gift, or trinket I could send them in the mail could ever compare to the gift of salvation.  So, I will be praying for that for each of them. 

That doesn't take any of the pain away.  It only means I have accepted that my pain over this is only a wordly temporary.