10 Years Later

I have listened to others talk about where they were on September 11, 2001 with great emotion.  I don't know that I remember that day with great emotion. Even though I was 26 years old and an adult, I don't think the emotion was overwhelming for me.

At a relatively new job, I heard a blurb on our little radio that a plane had flown into the World Trade Center.  In a little bit of shock, I shared with my co-workers.  An older lady told me not to worry about it because that had happened before and it wasn't that big of a deal.  Not long after, I heard the music stop mid song and the announcer said another plane had hit the other building. 

Now, finally, I was able to get the attention of my co-workers.  I ran home, grabbed a small tv and came back to work.  Most of our patients would cancel that day and we would watch on antenae the news all day long. 

I suppose that most of the day was a blur.  It is possible that there was emotion mixed in the blur.  That night I went home to watch more tv.  And more tv reporting. And more tv reporting. It was on every station on tv and radio.  We were living and breathing to the beat of this surreal tragedy.

For a solid week, each night there was an overwhelming amount of information and even more speculation.  Each tv channel featured a different reporter in tears.  Late during the first night, a nearly voiceless Peter Jennings would finally strike a nerve in me.  He said that we, Americans, needed hug our kids, parents and spouses and to tell them how much we loved them.

Weeks and maybe even a couple months had passed before the emotion finally struck.  That emotion was fear.  As I listened to reporters talk about the damage which could be done by an attack on nuclear plants, a fear I had only felt once before came over me. 

There is a nuclear plant less than 50 miles from my hometown.  An estimated 200 mile radius of that nuclear plant could be in danger if attacked or compromised.  My fear, that someone was going to attack that nuclear plant putting my nieces and nephew in danger. 

This attack on our country, more so the hatred of our country, had now taken on a very personal meaning to me.  Only then did the impact of 9/11 hit me.  I sat quietly beside Kent while he slept.  That overwhelming fear finally took it's toll on me as well as my breath.  This is the first anxiety attack I remember having.

To date, there has not been an attack on nuclear plants in the US.  Could it happen? Absolutely!  Do I fear it like I used to? No!

It was during this time in life that I learned just how possible it was to love someone so deeply that I could live in fear for them.  I knew I loved my nieces and nephews, but I learned to love them even more.  Of course now I live a different reality.  God loves those children even more than I do.  The only fear I have to live with for them is that they will never come to know God.  But really....that is not a fear I have to live with either.  Just like with me, if God wants them to know Him then He will soften their hearts too.

I find myself with more emotion today over the events of 9/11/01, but that's another day's post.