Rotten Crabs

If you have ever watched The Deadliest Catch, you might know a thing about rotten crabs.  A dead, diseased or rotten crab can permeate an entire tank, killing all the good crab and costing the fishermen a lot of money.

It only takes one bad crab to ruin thousands of good crab.  The fishermen are at the mercy of the crab.  They often do not know one bad crab has killed their haul until they are docked and anxiously awaiting all the money they will receive for the crab.  When they find all their dead crab, they are upset, disappointed and angry. 

While I have not spoken with any of those fishermen in person, I can only guess that most of them use those emotions to spur them into being more aggressive in their next venture.  But what would happen if each time they brought in a boat full of crab, all the crab were dead?  Do you think it would take 2, 5, 10, 20 times of having one rotten crab ruin all the good ones to make the fisherman give up?

The rotten crab is what I keep going back to when I think about some recent experiences.

It should be no surprise with my love of music that I love being in choir.  Last year, someone and something bigger than me stood in the way of me participating in the church choir.  It was heart wrenching to say the least, but I kept hope that a new year would bring a renewed opportunity.

This year came rolling in with a lot less standing in my way.  I would still have to overcome huge amounts of anxiety and rely on others to help me along the way. 

In August, I was able to start practicing with the choir.  Regardless of the hurdle, somebody was there to help me overcome.  Although my anxiety would keep me sidelined on Sunday mornings.  I would now begin to notice what I thought might be a rotten crab creeping into my tank, but I would ignore it and hope for the best outcome anyway.

With several people encouraging me, I was able to participate with the choir this past Sunday morning.  My knees were shaking, my voice was trembling, my throat was dry and I was sweating from the nervousness alone.  But...I made it through!

I made it with only a possibility that maybe a sickly crab had gotten in my tank and absolutely hopeful it would have no affect on the rest of the crab.

After the service was over, a precious member of our church came up to give me even more encouragement for singing with the choir.  And right there, without any warning or ability to stop it, the rotten crab was permeating my waters.

Without any thought or respect, another person insulted my anxiety-ridden effort to be a part of the choir.  That feeling of overcoming I had got to feel for an hour was ripped from me.  I was crushed.

There I was, standing with a tank full of dead crab...disappointed, hurt and angry. 

If this was my first tank of dead crab, I think I could return with a more aggressive desire to bring home my next tank of crab.  But the truth is...this isn't my 1st or 2nd or even my 10th.  I give up!  I guess I just don't have what it takes to stop the rotten crabs from permeating the waters and I certainly don't have the energy to haul home one more tank of dead crab.