Unexpected Difficulties

There is something I really hadn't planned for expected with this season we are in right now.  The way my husband and I would somehow flip flop on how we cope and process or what this would do to our relationship.

This is hard to share, but truth that someday I hope to look at as a time of growth for us both.

It has been one month today that I found out we were headed for Ohio.  I became immediately focused on what it would take to make that happen.  I haven't fought the idea and I have stayed incredibly positive, especially in regards to my husband.

My husband, well he lived in denial for the first several weeks and tried frantically to secure other employment.  Getting the house ready to sell wasn't a priority, now was thinking through what all was in front of us.  I suppose there are pros and cons to this and I applaud his effort.

Please don't think I am bashing my husband.  I'm not.  He's just handled all of this very differently than I have.  He's handled it how I would have a year or more ago.  I don't fault him for it.  As he so easily points out to me, he has more to lose than I do.  (I would probably argue that point.)

He is the first born who feels an incredible responsibility to his family.  From the time he started work in Wichita through our second year of marriage, he traveled home every single weekend without fail.  He loves his family and being close to them is important to him.  I love that about him.

The idea of being over 10 hours away from his family is more than his brain can comprehend and more than his heart can accept. 

His family as a whole are in very difficult days, watching his mom's mental state deteriorate rapidly.  She is currently locked in a state prior to marriage/children when she lived with her mother.  We know that the best days are behind us and the days ahead are numbered and precious.  I know it hurts his heart to even think about being so far away.

In this time; in this place, we don't know God's plan or how He is working.  We just have to trust this is right for us when all the other doors close and there is only one opportunity sitting in front of us.

All of that has made for a very difficult month.  While I find myself drawing closer to God and putting more trust in Him, there are times when I feel so distant from my husband.  This past month has brought more fighting and tears and hurt feelings and misunderstanding and even more tears than the past five years combined. 

Maybe that is one reason I am ready to go on with this process.  I long for the days prior to a month ago.  Days when our most heated discussion was what to have for dinner.  I'll trade tears for unpacking boxes anyday.

Being completely alone and afraid and weary, I did the only thing I knew.  I got down on my knees and prayed. 

If you are reading this, you are probably someone who knows us well.  I'd ask you to join me in praying for my husband and this process.