As I lay here, the only creature awake, I find myself floating between heart pounding fear and complete peace.
Since the hint of moving came up, I have felt as though God was in control and this was the plan. I haven't fought it or ever questioned it. While my husband spent a couple weeks in denial, I embraced the idea and began to plan.
My husband made a last minute attempt to keep us near. He was offered a job. I'm proud of him for trying. As he left for the interview, I knew in my heart that it wasn't the direction we were headed. Sadly, the company just isn't the right fit. There is something to be said for an evil you know, as opposed to the evil you don't.
We should know this week exactly when he is expected in Ohio. Our house is nearly ready to be put on the market. We have a financial plan that should put us on the right track to start over in Ohio. I have an incredible amount of peace about all of these big things.
It's all the little things that bring on the anxiety. House inspections. House selling. House hunting. Finding my spring clothes. Seeing friends. Seeing family. Health. All could be big things. All bog me down with anxiety.
Seriously, I often wonder who's life I'm living because this wasn't what I thought life would look like. I'm not complaining. It's just all so foreign.
I know as long as I'm with my husband, everything will be fine. This is just a particularly difficult season of stress and unknowns. It's a time of being thankful, but yet shedding tears over window blinds. It's a time of firsts and lasts. It's a time of terrible communication and fighting, yet growing closer together. It's a time of confidently being surrounded by love, yet preparing our hearts for sad goodbyes. It's a time of fear, yet peace.
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