Father's Day

It was almost like hearing something in slow motion when the man on the radio said, "and when you celebrate your father this Sunday..."

Wow!

I'm not completely oblivious, I know the day falls in June and it is in fact June now.  But it really crept up on me a bit faster than it usually does.  In years past, I've had email reminders a month in advance with advertisements on the latest and greatest gifts for dad.  I didn't get those this year.  Maybe it's because every company that sent one last year, I blocked.

Oh me...I could go through the list of missing Hallmark cards for my dad.  There's the one that says thanks for ruining my life by repeatedly beating, raping, drugging, prostituting and nearly killing me.  But honestly, a very simple one that has a fire breathing dragon or that little creepy doll Chuckie on the front cover would be sufficient with a greeting inside that states, "You are an evil bastard and I hope you rot in hell."

I can't forget the one that would be all too appropriate for my husband to send to him.  Thanks for being the rotten son-of-a-bitch who left your daughter infertile and stole my chance at ever being celebrated as a father.

I'm not sure why, but this father's day is bothering more than most others have.  There won't be anything to celebrate.  We will spend another Sunday alone at home while everyone around us spends time celebrating their fathers.

He probably deserves an entire post just about him, but my husband would have made an awesome dad.  In fact, I think he would have made the best dad ever!  It breaks my heart that he doesn't have that opportunity.

He doesn't have a fertility problem, it's all me.  Sadly, when I found that out, I encouraged him to leave me and find a wife who could give him his hearts desire.  When we married, he was supposed to have every opportunity to have children and not be strapped with an infertile wife.

It makes me sad and angry all at the same time.

I talk big about what I'd like to say to my dad (aka sperm donor), but really I think there's only one thing that would be truly appropriate to say to him this Sunday.

DNA doesn't make you a father and you do NOT deserve to be celebrated.