Right Now vs. Used to Be

I sit here amazed at quickly our right now become what used to be.  It all happens too fast.  Maybe that's just life, but it's a part of life I haven't quite matured enough to accept. 

As I began to wade through the mountain of laundry this morning, I went to the closet for hangers.  There I found, as I always do, my husband's clothes spread from his side to mine.  Sliding them back to his side, might seem like a simple task but today it was one that cracked me like a dropped egg. 

You see, I'm convinced part of the reason our right now becomes what used to be so quickly is because we rarely take time to purposely slow down that process.  I think we often let life tangle our time so we can't give attention to things that matter to us or others.  I think the other half of that is how we tend to go from one thing to the next without consideration of how our actions will effect the lives of everyone around us.

It wasn't necessarily the clothes all over the closet that struck a nerve with me, but an idea.  It was the idea that over the past two years,  so many people have made promises, got involved in my life, etc. and yet here I am walking through life kind of alone...again.

And no matter how hard I have tried to hold onto the right now, it always seems to slip in the what used to be.

I used to have a friend who would go to the movies, shopping, out to dinner and have conversation. 

I used to have a couple friends who did bible study with me in ways that I got to comprehend.

I used to have a friend who helped keep me accountable and talk through the tough things in life.

I used to have a friend that called once in a while to catch up or ask how I was doing.

I used to have a friend that would just let me spend an afternoon at their house, just being me.

I used to have a friend that stopped by once in a while just to catch up.

I used to have a friend who would go get a pedicure with me a couple times a year.

In each of those things, I loved the right now.  I savored every moment and wanted to hold onto it forever.  Even though I know it couldn't possibly last forever.  Each of those things became what used to be too quickly. 

Some of the friends have moved on, some have just become too busy.  Some of them, it was just time for them to become what used to be.  Some of them, I long to have that right now back again.

I think it's weighing on me so heavily because my right now doesn't have look so great and seems to be getting lonelier.