From Father to Son

We made the quick dash back to see my father-in-law for Father's Day.  While I have nothing to celebrate, my husband still does.

It is always emotional for my husband to make that trip, but today was especially so.

Upon arrival, my husband headed to the garage to get a mower part and I was left to visit with my mother-in-law.

I got to have some difficult conversations with her.  I'm fairly certain she doesn't remember my name.  She called me sweetie several times and referred to me as Audra, who is her daughter. 

She shared with me that she doesn't think her memory is getting any better.  Sure, she still blames obscure things.  She thinks if she hadn't retired or had her varicose veins fixed, she'd still be able to remember everything.  She says she has problems remembering everything and that mornings are just as bad as evenings.  She doesn't think the medication works and is looking forward to seeing her doctor this week.  Most of all, she says she has a hard time with names.  Surprisingly, she admitted her frustration with not being able to remember things.

I have to be honest with her and couldn't sugar-coat anything (which I think people do sometimes).  I told her that I was sorry she thought it was getting worse.  I didn't agree with her ideas about what caused the memory loss and I certainly didn't give her false hope that it would get any better.  Instead, I encouraged her to talk about meds with the doctor so that maybe it would slow the progression of this mental monster.

Little did I know that something very sad, yet special was happening in the garage between my husband and his dad.

His dad was handing down manly measuring instruments (sorry I don't know the technical names) to Kent.  They are things he has had for probably 40+ years, things that are no longer manufactured.  They are things that he used to do his job, things that he valued enough to keep for that long.

I watched the tears roll down my husbands cheeks as he talked about everything his dad had given him.  Understandably, he was upset about what seemed to be his dad giving up on ever having a need for these things again.

What I hope he can eventually see is how this wasn't his dad giving up, but passing on valuable items.  It was a proverbial rite of passage.  His dad was, with actions alone, saying he was proud of the man he has become and he wants him to have these things. 

Kent is the only one of the boys in the boys in the family who so closely got their dad's mechanical skills.  I know that his dad sees that in him and is immensely proud of him.  I see him get the proud, puffy chest over all the things his son has done and can do.  Even with his boy in his 40's, he is still a proud papa that looks on his son and can so easily see the impact he has been in his life.

I think my husband has the typical, "I'll never be good enough" feelings that most kids do when they had a parent who was hard on them or maybe a bit absent because they were always working to provide for their family.  I hope someday and soon, my husband can see the he is the apple of his dad's eye. 

With my father-in-law in his 70s, I hope that my husband has many more opportunities like today.  No, I don't mean where he leaves with a box full of stuff.  I mean those rare times when his dad shows him that love that he desires.  Those times when he can get a glimpse of the deep sense of pride his dad has in him.  I hope there are more opportunities for my husband to see that he has indeed become the man his dad wanted him to be and so much more.