Who's Fault?

On May 21, Dahrun Ravi was sentenced to 30 days in jail for spying on his roommate during a homosexual encounter.  Ravi was a teenage college student when he used a web cam to watch his roommate.  Days later, his roommate committed suicide.

After listening to so many reporters and news analysts talk about this case, I have reached a point of complete compassion for Ravi.

An immature Ravi was doing what so many kids do, not excusing his behavior.  Kids, and at 18 he was still a kid, do all sorts of things to each other.  They pick at each other and even harass one another.  They do silly things like spy on each other with web cams. 

Of course back before the invent of web cams, kids did just as awful things.  At our school, the boys would gather on the lower steps of the school trying to get a peek under the girls skirts as they walked up the stairs and into school.  I believe it's natural, human curiosity often entangled with raging hormones that lead kids to be peekers. 

If one of the guys got a bit too frisky with a girl or too aggressive, the principal was alerted.  Never was anyone upset enough to commit suicide.

Ravi did not publicly post videos of his roommate.  There was no evidence that Ravi repeatedly harassed or was part of any sort of hate crime based on his roommate's sexual preference.  There was no supporting evidence that the roommate sought any sort of protection from Ravi nor was there a previous report of any kind of harassment.

I do believe Ravi made a mistake in invading his roommate's privacy, but I think spying is quite a stretch.

Blaming Ravi for his roommate's death is an even bigger stretch.  I understand that the family of this young man are upset for the role Ravi played in upsetting their obviously fragile relative.  But, I don't believe he can be held responsible for the actions of his roommate.

As someone who battles depression and has on occasion contemplated suicide, I can tell you that I never consider it because of something someone else has done to cause an acute flair of emotion.  In fact, as I think through that on occasion, I will walk through precise communication to those I care about.  I would want them to know that it was a decision made because I felt it was best. 

My point in sharing that is that suicide is a choice.  It's a choice someone makes for personal reasons.  It isn't something that someone else forces us to do.  The roommate made a choice all on his own.  He didn't work to resolve the problem which drove him to suicide, which I would contend may or may not have had anything to do with Ravi.

I think the judge in this case should have a cloud of shame hanging over him.  The roommate could have made other choices and it is NOT right for someone to have to pay a price for his choice. 

Since I tend to have compassion for victims of anything, it's taken me some time to think through this and understand why my compassion lies with the "perpetrator" in this case.