My Great Escape

This post will come across very judgemental, but truly is meant to be one about being thankful.

The weekend with some of my family made me realize how I take for granted my escape from my hometown.

My hometown is known for some of their more pure, Christian traits.  They boast about it.  Hold onto it as if they have it right and everyone else has it wrong.  Each year they hold a biblical parade, which is unique and the oldest in the US.  They have dozens of churches for the 2500 citizens with over 95% having church membership.  Their town slogan is "Little town, bit heart."  They have a progressive school district with much success in sports and academics.

It sounds like a great place to live, right?

You might even be thinking....Wow, this place has really evolved from the dysfunctional mess of the 70s, 80s, and 90s. 

It probably started with a conversation about my cousin.  Keep in mind, my brothers, cousins and many others did not come out unscathed.  The deep depravity of my family was certainly not contained within the four walls of any of our homes. 

The oldest of my female cousins has always been a bit difficult.  She, like me, struggled with relationships and fertility and understanding how life worked.  She has always been competitive and jealous of what others have (a trait that permeates my family).  Prior to my husband, she destroyed nearly every relationship I began with a guy by sleeping with them.  As soon as we set a date for our wedding, she got engaged and scheduled hers for a month earlier. 

She may have been the first one of our generation to get married, but she was also the first to cheat on her spouse.  A passed out drunken newlywed husband left her a hot mess and in bed with a relative of his.  Evidently that behavior by both of them has tainted their entire marriage and has finally taken them to divorce court.  Her husband takes care of their adopted child while she spends her nights at the local watering hole. 

A couple of my other cousins and their wives are caught up in drugs and swinging.  They have multiple children who they truly do not know which person is the father.   Weekends are filled with parties where they drink themselves into oblivion and then swap partners with other town folk for a night of sex and immorality.

Like I said, it isn't contained just in my family.  These also aren't the people from the less than 5% of unchurched people.  The people involved in the sex swap are pastors, deacons, elders, teachers, officers, school administrators, business owners and so many more. 

The immorality is not just found in weekend sex parties.  It is found in the government and schools. 

Last year, a business owner escaped charges for taking pictures of young boys in the pool changing room.  I am not sure why, but it could have something to do with the amount of money he donates to the town. 

More than one teacher has been arrested over the past couple years for having sex with or being indecent with students.  One of them divorced his wife, married a former student and is now in jail for having sex with a different student. 

A woman I know often posts on facebook about the wonderful kids she teaches in Sunday School.  Days other than Sunday are usually full of posts about getting drunk and one-night stands.

There are so many more stories. 

I am sure there are good people who have a strong moral compass in this town.  I'm just not sure where they are.

It breaks my heart to know so many of these people are following in the footsteps of their parents.  In school, they were filled with potential.  Great athletes.  Incredible talents.  Amazing intelligence.  They could have done many things.  Instead, they stayed and fell into this trap of dysfunction. 

But I, like a few others, got out.  It took me 32 years, but I got out.  Moving away wasn't enough.  I had to completely divorce myself from it to break the bonds.  It was so painful and hard.  Despite how badly it needed to happen, it hurt me more than anyone else.

The first five years I could not see through the pain.  I could not see what a good thing it was.  I could not believe I had done the right thing.  Sure, I accepted that breaking ties with my parents was right but I couldn't get there with everything else.  But it was.  It was the right thing.  I could not see that I had escaped a long life of constantly being bound to these people and this place and the immorality and the dysfunction I was sure to perpetuate within my life.  I could not see that the amount of pain in broken ties was minimal compared to the pain which would surely come if I never escaped the web. 

It has taken me this long to accept that it took a lot of strength and power that was not of my own to escape the old life.  It has never been easy and will continue to be painful.  But, I have to embrace that it was the right thing for me.  Even when it hurts the most, I have to remember that I am still much better off. 

Any of those stories could have been me.  I am by no means saying I am better than them, but I am saying I am thankful to have escaped.  I am saying I am sad the others haven't found that strength.  I am saying I have never been more mindful that I need to pray my nieces and nephews escape it too.