Conviction

This past week, I was having a conversation with an individual from church when I found myself feeling so convicted. That doesn't happen often. Not because I am above conviction, but because I rarely have deep enough conversations to lead to conviction.

Honestly, this wasn't that deep of a conversation. It was with someone who has been a Christian longer than me, so I was a bit surprised.

In the conversation, the person said with firm belief that Christians who drink, smoke, cuss and watch questionable television are NOT Christians.

NOT Christians!

I tried to reason this out with the person that this was simply untrue. Everyone has their stuff. Everyone had their sin. Their crutches. The things God has not dealt with them on. This person was having none of it.

They said they don't do those things because Christians aren't supposed to to do them. By that time, I was doing my best to share in a loving way that this was holding a judgement over someone for their stuff. I tried.

I found myself just getting pissed. Yea, I said pissed. If you missed it, long ago I readily admitted that I have a problem with swearing. That surprises some people, because I know the absolute wrong times and places to do it. It's not something God has dealt with me on yet. I obviously have much bigger things in my life right now.

This person was standing in my home telling me I was not a Christian because I occasionally drop the F-bomb. Oh hell no!

I didn't have much to say the remainder of the time this person was visiting. I was insulted. Hurt. Angry.

After they left, I prayed. My goodness, I prayed for forgiveness. I know I have done the same thing. Not in the same way, but very similar.

You see, I have long thought that Christians were all loving and forgiving and understanding. I have expected it. The bible tells us to be that way and it was presented to me in many ways that the church as a whole was this way.

Through years of hurt, I learned the hard way that this isn't true. Do I believe the absence of these things are a weakness of the church as a whole...yes! But I've certainly learned that individually, those things are largely often an unmet expectation. To find an individual who loves, forgives and shows compassion regularly is a rarity. I have found it in a few select people, but it was a long process and not easy.

I know I spent a lot of time the past few years angry because these things were so hard to find even though its right there in the bible. Yes, I've given a lot of grace and second, third and eighth chances. But, I realized that I felt convicted for being so judgmental.

Hearing the judgement being spewed out at me in my own house changed me. I'm not sure I've yet forgiven this person for their ignorance as it was deeply personal. But, I certainly know I will reconsider my anger toward the Christians who don't quite have it right yet.


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