I realized that I have written a lot on focused topics lately but nothing much about how things are for me. I think that is indicative of this season I am in right now.
My head is so full that it feels like a swirling little hot mess that could explode. My emotions are comparable to that beach ball held under water for so long that the slightest move off of center and they will shoot about four feet above the surface and come flailing back down with a torrential splash.
But it is a season for me. A season when I must go it all alone.
The people closest to me are in various seasons in their lives as well. They are all going through times when they just aren't available. They are busy with family and health issues and work. Even my husband is in one of those seasons when he barely has time for a conversation.
I am not faulting anyone, but living in acceptance of how life goes.
So I tuck it all away. I hide it all inside, doing my best to not let a hint of it reach the surface especially in the presence of others.
Even though I have done my best to embrace the stay at home wife role, I still struggle each day finding value and purpose for my life. Don't get me wrong, I stay busy. I cook and clean and do my best at keeping the laundry and dishes done. Those things don't seem to give me much value.
I know some of those people close to me are so quick to point out that seasons like this point me to God and teach me dependence on Him. Seasons like this are when you find your value in God alone.
Blah...blah...blah...blah. Yea, I know. That doesn't do anything to help me in my very earthly, fleshly struggles where a season like this breaks me down. It doesn't do anything to help me find very earthly reasons to keep chugging along. It does drive me toward wanting eternal life sooner than later.
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