We still do not have a specific timeline on this move. Some days that seems to be the crux of my anxiety and others I'm thankful that we are still tucked away here at home.
Regardless, it is onward we go.
There are so many things we need to have done before we get an appraisal and agent. Those lists are made and started. Two nights ago, my husband asked me why I was rushing to get the house taken care of when we didn't have a specific timeline.
Well, my loving, but-oh-so-content to keep floating on the river of denial husband, it is the right thing to do. The work has to be done, so why wait?
Besides my overly OCD, I will not procrastinate, let's get this show on the road ways, I have never been the leaver. I have been the one who gets left.
We have lived in the same place for over 15 years. Whether it was neighbors or friends, we have been the ones to stay. In 15 years, we've been left a lot. Whether the friend left for a new job or moved far away, we have been through the sending them off thing over and over.
It is fair to say that I have been through it enough to learn a few things. I've seen it first hand or I have the benefit of hearing the friend's reflection after they had gone.
There is a lot of stuff to do to the house. It's the most miserable part of this process. Doing hard work that we hadn't planned for and would have eventually done as time allowed. It's messy and not fun, but it has to be done.
I want to get this part done and out of the way. Once it's done, we don't have to stress over the timeline. Once the house is ready to go on the market, then it won't matter if we have only 1 month or 6 months before we move. In reality, his company could tell us tomorrow that we have 30 days to get to Ohio. We don't want to get into that super stressful situation of him having to commute and leaving me with all this stuff on my shoulders.
That's absolutely the number 1 reason to do it now. Selfishly, I have another reason that doing it now is important to me. I want us to be able to enjoy the time we have left here.
As I said to my husband just last night, we cannot enjoy any of the time we have left if we are stuck at home every single weekend working on the house.
There is so much we want and need to do. We need to spend as much time as possible with my husband's parents. His mom is declining so fast that each time we see her, we know it's as good as it gets. We need to spend time with them while she's at least functional, even if she doesn't know who we are.
There are places here that we would love to go. We love Presidential libraries/museums. There are several within driving distance that we haven't seen. I love aquariums and I have yet to visit the new one here in town. I have no clue if we will get to do any of those things or not. It's not the end of the world if we don't.
As of right now, I am supposed to get my niece and nephew over their spring break in a few weeks. I want to enjoy every minute with them, knowing our time is so limited as it is living only two hours away.
We want to see all Kent's siblings and nieces and nephews as much as we can.
We both have friends we want to see and spend time with before we leave.
My friends are my family. I have some that are like immediate family and some that are more distant relatives that I only see a couple times a year and even a few that I only see every couple years. But, I love them all. I want to spend as much time in their presence as possible. I want to soak in their love and acceptance so that I can find the confidence and strength to start over.
We still want to find ways to serve our church and church family until we move. We love our church. We want to remain involved and focused on where God has us and will use us.
I don't want to look back at this time after it's passed us by and regret the time we had. I don't want to procrastinate with the big things so long that they become our only focus. I don't want to look back and wish I had seen this person or done that thing.
It is so funny that this year I am already thinking about my birthday. Ick! I never think about my birthday this far in advance. Oddly enough, I usually hate it and it's this terrible thing. Not this year. I want a party. So not the way I normally am. It's not a significant birthday this year. I will be 39 years old. But the people I love and want to celebrate my milestone birthday with next year won't be with me. So I want a party, a Yay! I'm almost 40 birthday party. It isn't so much that I want it to celebrate me as I don't really feel I'm worthy of being celebrated. It's that I want one last time with all my friends, celebrating something fun.
So much to do. I'm just not a leaver. It's a new way of thinking about things. I want to use what I have learned. I want to embrace this season. I want to make the most of this season. I don't want regrets. I want to head into the unknown with more smiles and wonderful memories than tears and stress.
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