Another Blow

It is no secret that the impending 10 days will be difficult for me, nor why.  But this morning, I was hit with another harsh reality that myself and my husband's family will be facing this holiday. 

My sister-in-law is notoriously hard to shop for and she never appears to be happy with anything.  Really, she's just not an overtly happy person.  As I have done many times in the past, I hopped on my cell phone while I strolled through Macy's.  I called my mother-in-law knowing she is my only solid resource when shopping for the family.

Upon answering, I said hello, how are you? and proceeded with small talk.  After I explained what I was calling for and asked for suggestions, I was hit with a return question that instantly broke my heart.  She said, "Who is this?"  Reduced to a blubbering mess, fighting with everything I had to not burst into tears, I answered.  "It's me, Monica."  The dead silenced prompted me to explain further who I was. 

A deep breath from me and I patiently waited while she "searched her brain" to assimilate who I was and remember her daughter's name.  The next few minutes of her trying to get through the conversation felt like hours.  A return phone call from her about 15 minutes later was much better, but she was still confusing her daughter and granddaughter.

The relationship with my mother-in-law has always been tense, but we can always manage to have kind and even sweet conversations.  I have been in and around the family for over 17 years now.  This was the first time I had ever had this experience.  Before they had caller ID, she always knew who I was.  Regardless of the tension, she has always called me one of her kids (even if her actions haven't made me feel like one).

It was a couple months ago, my husband and his brother began talking about how forgetful their mother was becoming.  Not only was she becoming more forgetful, but she was beginning to over compensate for something amiss in her life by being incredibly sweet and needy.  At Thanksgiving, my husband had to tell her repeatedly what our plans were and often multiple times in the same phone call.

Conversations between my husband, his dad and all his siblings brought us to the consensus that yes...something was wrong.  That something has continued to get worse over the past month.  And, I certainly wasn't thinking about that when I called her this morning.

I refer to her problem as "something" because there hasn't been any attempts to medically diagnose the problem.  The problem could be a multitude of things, but it's looking more and more like Alzheimer's.  But there's a general sense of denial about the problem. 

After the phone call today, I don't think I can deny it.  My heart is breaking over it.  I'm not sure I'm ready to witness this firsthand through Christmas.  I'm not sure my husband is ready for one more thing right now.