I Never Prayed

That is an honest, from the heart confession.

I never prayed for my father-in-law this past week.  I couldn't.  Through each of my friends' health crisis' the past few months, I prayed diligently.  In each one, the exact thing I prayed for was the outcome.  I prayed for no cancer, there was cancer.  I prayed for no chemo needed, chemo was needed.  And so on...

So, I decided I couldn't pray for my father-in-law.  I feared a feeling of guilt had I prayed and his cancer had spread.

Thankfully, we found out today that his cancer has NOT spread.  It is in his prostate only with an excellent prognosis.  He and the doctor will determine treatment soon.

I'm still upset that this wonderful man is having to deal with this while being the primary care-giver for his wife.  However, I am overjoyed that his cancer has not spread.

As I sit here tonight, I find it so much easier to praise God than it has been to pray.   Actually, I have to be really careful in making sure I praise God and not those who prayed when I could not. 

For as happy as I am, there is an underlying issue brewing in all of this.  When I pray, nothing good happens.  When I don't pray, I get my hearts desire.  All of those typical questions start swirling around my head.  Does God not hear me?  Does God not care?  Why does God answer some people's prayers so quickly and succinctly, while mine are not?  If God doesn't hear my prayers, what am I doing wrong?  Am I really a Christian? 

I suppose for now, I'll continue to thank God for taking care of my father-in-law.  That's really all that matters to me at this moment in time.