While dating my husband to be, I learned really quick how important his family was to him. One of his brothers went on our first date with us and our third date was a trip to meet his family while they were camping. His mom was a bit snobbish, but his dad was all smiles and very welcoming. Until I got to know him, I took his smile as just being happy his 28 year-old son was finally bringing a girl around.
Dating, we had a very consistent schedule. Kent came home on Friday and we spent that evening together alone. On Saturdays, we would go fishing with his parents or hang out at his parent's house. On Sunday, we had dinner with the family and spent the last few hours together there before he would head back to Wichita or KC for the week.
I got to spend a lot of time with my future in-laws before I knew I'd eventually be part of the family. I'll save you the pain-staking details of how difficult it was to develop relationships with most of my husband's family. Not with his dad...that one was always easy. I won't say he always liked me, but no matter what, he has always treated me with respect and kindness from the very beginning.
Whether I lived by myself or with my grandparents, I was always responsible for myself. I had nobody in my family to help me. If my car broke down or needed help with anything, I was on my own to figure things out. Once I got to know my husband's parents, his dad became my go to person. I can't tell you how many times I called and he came to my rescue. Flat tire late at night. Broke down car. Broken windows. Broken faucet. Needed a place to stay because the weather got bad. No money for gas to get home. Help with a sick dog. Help moving. Grocery shopping on crutches. He's the one who helped me out with all of those things and more. Not only that, but he did it without any expectation that I owed him anything in return.
Outside of my experience with my husband to be at the time, my father-in-law was my only other example of unconditional love during that time of my life and he has continued to be.
He was also my first real picture of how a father is supposed to love their children. It took me a lot longer to see it for what it was. His kids were all grown by the time I met him and the adult child/parent relationship isn't always as obvious as little child/parent relationship.
I think my father-in-law's favorite two titles in life are father and grandfather. He has four kids and four grandchildren. He has one son-in-law and two daughters-in-law. But if you ask him, he'd tell you he has three girls and four boys.
When I got a new job or promotion, he told me he was proud of me. When I am excited about something, so is he.
He is one of the few people who can make me laugh till I cry and cry until I laugh. He's a simple man who doesn't get wrapped up in the latest technology or keeping up with the neighbors. The man called all computers and all computer programs a "Microsoft." He always gives me a good political debate where we both think we are right. I know he's not my dad, but we have a similar hard-headedness.
He is so matter of fact when telling a story, even when he's wrong, that all you can do is laugh. One time we were out in the middle of a lake and the fish were biting, we had hit the fisherman's catfish dream. This young lady had drank a lot of water, floating on water and well...you get the picture. He dumped out a bucket and insisted it was now my only option. We laughed so hard on the way home, I was in tears.
There were two times I remember our conversations went the other way. The first was on the way to an infectious disease appointment for my husband before we were married. He was getting incredibly sick, turning pale, clammy, feverish and weak. Unknown to us at the time, he had been bitten by a tick and had Lyme's. I was so scared for him, all I could do on the way to the appointment was cry. My father-in-law told me all about how tough his son was and proceeded to tell me all the wild things he had done as a kid.
Another long trip we had together was the one after Kent's apartment had burned. This time, it was my father-in-law was the one who was crying. I couldn't help but cry along with him. I don't remember what he said or did that turned us both around, but by the time we reached the half gone apartment, we were both laughing hysterically.
This picture was taken on Mother's Day this year. When I walked into their house, my father-in-law met me at the door. He give me a hug and said, "how's my baby girl?" Even though I knew way before then, I think this was the first time it was solidified in me that the same love he gives to his children was and had always been offered to me too. It was my first realization that he was the closest thing I'd ever have to a dad and the first time I wanted to savor every second of that feeling.
My father-in-law is a big fisherman/camper kind of guy. But even this manly man melts with a puppy. Very few people around me really get my love of pets and need for them to fill that hole in my life from not having children. Each and every pet I/we've had, he treats just like a child. He gives them treats, talks to them, loves on them and genuinely treats them like they are part of the family. I love this about him! I know without doubt my pets are in good hands when we are on vacation.
I may have seemed to jump from one topic to another here, but the general theme is all the same....my father-in-law is one of the most loving, kind, understanding and lovable people I have ever met. He is just flat out a decent human being. I could write so much more about him, but it would all the theme wouldn't change.
I love him so much. If you asked me how I feel about his health crisis or how I am doing with it, my answer would be quite simple. I'm angry!!!! My heart is breaking. My anxiety is over the roof. I want 10, 20, 30 more years to live life with this man who is quite possibly the closest thing I have to a dad. He's the best, most loving relative I have and I'm heartbroken that he, of all people, has cancer.
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