Silent Statistic

I want to share a startling statistic with you:
In the first 6 months of 2011, there were approximately 226,000 reports of alleged child abuse (not including statutory rape).  Of those, 24,075 or 10% were cases where the accused party was ages 13 to 17 and 17,250 or 8% were cases where the accused party was under age 13.  Approximately, 20% of alleged child abusers were children.  Keep in mind, this only counts the cases which were reported legally.  There are many, many more silent statistics, cases that are never counted because they happened and were never reported.

I was a child who was sexually abused by another child.  To be honest, I actually had a couple instances of being abused by other children.  None were quite as extensive as with my cousin.

On occasion, I may have made mention of being molested by a cousin in my blog.  I don't recall ever sharing much about it.

Having talked through some of these statistics with a friend, I realized that there are some general assumptions people make when they don't have abuse in their background.

1.  Kids only abuse kids younger than them.
          This is simply untrue.  My cousin is younger than me.  In fact, he was smaller and certainly had less physical strength than me until we were teens. 

2.  There must be something really wrong with a kid for them to abuse another kid.
          This might be partially true in some cases.  What I know to be true in my case and many others, this is a learned behavior.  My cousin began abusing me when when we were 6.  After seeing many 6-year-olds from average families, I do not believe that a 6 year-old just inherently knows sexual behavior.  In our case, it was a learned behavior that came from both of us being abused by a grandparent. 

3.  It should be easier to tell if the abuser is another kid.
          Again, completely untrue.  As was the case with me, I had already been taught the golden rule that every abuser holds over the victim...you NEVER tell or something worse will happen.  Especially as the older child in the situation, it is incredibly easy to believe you will be in big trouble if anyone found out.

4.  Maybe kids take curiosity too far and it really wasn't abuse.
          That is one of those statements that just makes me angry over ignorance.  Not to be funny, but I know there is a lot of playground antics of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."  I understand that there is a point for kids when they do begin to have curiosity over the opposite sex and the physical differences.  That wasn't the case for me and I'm guessing for many others. 

5.  When it is kids abusing kids, it probably doesn't happen multiple times.
          I can only speak for my own experience here and tell you that was not the case.  My cousin abused me from 6 years-old to 17 years-old.  In those 11 years, it happened hundreds of times.  In fact, it probably got more frequent as we got older.  As my cousin got older, he got more aggressive and more active.  Once he began driving, he probably got the most active.  For a couple years, it was nearly everyday after school.

6.  Kids who share abusers wouldn't want to hurt each other.
          This couldn't be further from the truth.  I believe when kids have been abused, they look for situations where they can feel some control because there is a lot happening to them that they cannot control.  In my case, I believe my cousin knew I was an easy target.  He repeatedly saw that I adhered to the golden rule and lived with a lot of fear.  I was easy for him to exert control over, being a vulnerable child with multiple abusers.

7.  Somebody in the family had to have known.
          I don't believe this is true.  In fact, I know writing this in a public forum puts me at risk of someone finding out.  I don't believe that anyone in my family knows besides him and myself.  The only person who might have had a clue has been deceased for 14 years and was part of the problem.  My cousin is married with children of his own now. 

I certainly don't have any desire to disrupt his life, which is why I never mention him by name.  It is unlikely he would ever admit to what he did.  It is even possible that to this day, he doesn't believe he did anything wrong.  Throughout my adult life, he has made mention of it to me.  At various family gatherings, he would catch me alone in a room or corner and ask me if I ever told anyone about what "we" did.  The last time he asked was about six years ago.  At the time, the only person I'd ever told was my husband. 

Honestly, it's my life, my story to tell.  I can freely share what he did and know his feelings, thoughts or opinions are completely irrelevant to me. 

While the statistics are startling, I believe the silent statistics are probably beyond what we can comprehend.  That is where I fall...in the silent statistics.