I'll probably continue to share my experiences with the senior couple from church because I want to record everything I learn from them. I want to have a place to look back and be reminded of all they have taught me and all of the experiences that made me laugh, think and smile.
This post isn't necessarily about any experience with them, but it's something that they have indirectly caused me to learn about myself.
Without question, I am absolutely fearful that every person I meet will hurt me. I know it may seem irrational for some of you. When you think about a child going through the first 18 years of their life with no real experiences of being protected and nearly every adult in their life hurting them physically, emotionally and sexually, it's probably not a stretch to believe that they expect every person to hurt them in some way or another.
That's exactly how I live my life. Men and women, I expect everyone to hurt me. Even the nice ones, even the ones I've known a long time....I just wait for them to hurt me.
This couple, this feeble, elderly couple living in one of the most vulnerable times in their lives, they don't foster any fear in me of being hurt. I don't have one thought, not one ounce of fear that they will do anything that could ever hurt me.
How about that?!?!
There are two people in this big, nasty world who I don't have to be afraid of at all.
The wife is so frail. I just want to wrap her up and protect her. It's funny to say, but when I'm around her I feel a bit motherly. Me feeling a bit motherly to an 80 year-old woman...who would have thought! She is so incredibly sweet and kind-hearted. I find myself wanting to make sure I don't offend or hurt her feelings more than vice versa.
If you know any of my background, you can probably understand that I have an even more difficult time believing a man would never hurt me.
I think I'm experiencing a first. As I shared with a friend this week, I think the husband is maybe the first male I've EVER not been afraid of. I don't even think about it. I watch him having to rely on everybody around him and just instinctively understand that his is not a threat to me.
It is a huge, HUGE thing for me recognize, understand and truly believe that there are people in this world who won't hurt me. It's just a glimpse of how most people approach relationships. Most people I know don't instinctively go into relationships expecting to be hurt.
If I were to not learn another thing from this couple or given another moment to spend with them, this would be enough for them to have a permanent place in my heart. They've changed me. I can never again say that I've never met anyone I wasn't afraid of.
I could never thank them enough for the things they have shared with me or the things they have taught me about myself.
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