They are to teach...

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:3-5

Surprised to see scripture woven into this blog right now?  Me too!

But I'm having a difficult time with an aspect of the church that seems to knock me down over and over again.

*Let me just state that I do not believe what I am about to say is unique to me or my church.  I do however, believe it is unique to Christian women as it is them who have chosen to be followers of Christ and professed to believe the written word of God.   I do think it's important to point out that this isn't at all directed at a particular individual(s) or written in regard to any particular incident(s).

My social contact within my church has grown exponentially over the past year.   But sadly, so has my disappointment and hurt.

I don't feel it's wise or even necessary to go into the many examples of why.  What I can and should say is that much of it resonates write in the middle of the above scripture.  Very specifically:

"They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women"

Before going any further, let me clearly state that there is a small group of women in our church who have been putting a concerted effort into changing this.  I do believe others see the problem and are doing what they can to make a difference moving forward.

But what makes me sad...no, breaks my heart...are the many women who are very mature in age and faith who aren't even making an effort to do this.

It's right there.  Very clear.  They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women...

There's two facets of this grind at my core and contribute to my confusion about Christians, God and faith.

The first is this idea that nobody below the age of 40, 50, 60, 70, etc. have gifts that would make them of any value in particular ministries within the church.  There is an obvious mindset that if something is going to be done or done right, it needs to be done by the people "who have always done it." 

I may not know much about the bible, but my friend, I know that's an example of pride.  Nasty, ugly, sinful pride.

Not only is it sin, but it just plain hurtful.  I can speak from experience.  It is discouraging.  It hurts.  It closes you off to church.  It turns you away from church.  It makes you believe you really don't belong or that you are not good enough.  I believe it could even be a contributing factor in lack of participation by 20-40 year-old women in church.

The other part of this is the guts of the training.  Inevitably, I see what happens when any younger woman gets an opportunity to serve with these older women who aren't being good examples of Titus 2.

Also speaking from experience, I can tell you what happens.  The young woman is given very little or no guidance.  They do their best, but make mistakes.  They are not given grace.  They aren't given an opportunity or second chance to make changes or do a better job.  However, without guidance, would they ever do a better job?  No training, no guidance, nobody willing to teach them through a difficult time.  They essentially have been given nothing but an assured opportunity to fail.

When the younger woman fails, then the cycle begins.  Failure proves that first facet must be true in the mind of the prideful person.  It cycles back to that mindset that nobody but them can do anything.

If you look at any committee, ministry, group within the church, do you see diversity? Do you see examples of teaching and training? If you don't, is that a totally healthy committee, ministry, group?

I know this sort of thing happens in every church.  But, isn't that a cop out?  If we excuse it by saying, "oh it happens everywhere," aren't we just perpetuating the problem? 

I'm not offering you these questions to in any way suggest that I don't have sin in my life. 

What I am offering is a perspective from someone who's been hurt by this.  A perspective from someone who believes this sort of thing is pushing me away from church.  A perspective from someone who desperately wants to learn from those around me and not become one of the examples I've experienced.