Beautiful Wind

Today, the wind was beautiful.

I know, that's a relatively random thing for me.

I slept a few hours last night and dreamed about my dog, Kristi.  Kristi has been gone for over five years and I can't remember the last time I dreamed about her.  My dream was so real.  We went for a walk and then curled up in bed together.  All the years I lived alone, she slept right beside me and often curled up in the fetal position at my chest with my arm around her.  Even though I love the dogs I have now, it was sad to wake up and know it wasn't real.  That dog stayed on my mind all day.

My day didn't offer much improvement.  One thing after another smacked me in the face.  Nothing too terrible by itself, but collectively enough to break me down.

It wasn't just about missing a dog.  It wasn't just a bad day.  It's been a bad several weeks, maybe even months.  I can't begin to tell you all the stuff that's happened the last several months.  You might think I'm focusing just on the negative.  The truth is, I've had very little positive to focus on or I would. Without going into the details, I can tell you that lately most days end with no desire for a tomorrow.  That's just me being incredibly honest.

As I sat listening to a speaker at a conference today, I had one of this-room-suddenly-got-hot-and-the-walls-are-closing-in-on-me moments.  So I left.  I searched the building for a quiet place to be alone and recover from the overwhelm.  With no place to have an alone moment, I headed outside.

I found a nice shaded spot outside.  Took a deep breath.  Did my best to fight back the tears.  Failed miserably. 

Once I caught my breath and wiped away the tears, I began to feel the wind whipping my hair around.  It's all I could hear.  As I watched the leaves being rolled, tossed and moved across the yard, I desperately wished the wind would whisk me away from this painful spot.  Oh how I longed at that moment to be carelessly whipped away from this time and place. 

Much to my surprise, the roaring wind cleared my head and restored my breath. 

It only last a few minutes.  I already want them back.  I'm ready to sit in the wind again, longer.  It was beautiful.  I want, no NEED, that kind of beautiful thing in my life everyday.