"Maybe you don't belong"

The title is quoted because it is something that was said to me this past month.

I have kept it tucked away and it has been eating at me. I would like to say it had nothing to do with my recent feelings about being here, but that would be a lie.

At the time, it was completely said in context of the conversation. It is even possible that the person was commiserating with me as I shared my feelings about being here and the difficulties in developing relationships.

There is a possibility that the person was trying to support what I was feeling. This person doesn't know me well, has never made an effort to get to know me and I'm not even sure what prompted them to have this conversation with me. I have also not heard from the person since.

However, the more I have held onto it and tossed it around, the more it has hurt.

I have not even shared with my husband. I tend to keep things like this to myself until I can process through it. I have learned that when I share something with my husband and am in high emotion, it alters his opinion of the person. He's protective of me. He knows the hurt I have been through and wants only to protect me from any more. I don't fault him.

He is less inclined to give people a second chance once he has developed an opinion of them. Because I know this, I have learned that it is always best to set on some things until I can share with him without emotion and with more explanation.

This person is a christian, someone who should be offering love instead of suggestions for moving companies.

I truly have thought through this conversation, both my side and the other.

Here is what I have finally decided. I had to put myself on the other side.

What would I do or say? How could I respond? Would I have done the same thing?

Someone is standing in front of me, telling me how miserable they have become in this area. They say they once loved it and thought everyone was pleasant and kind. She then tells me that she has struggled to make relationships and is having difficulty in church and how she has been treated by christians. She expresses that she has become depressed and feels the only way to ever be happy again is to leave the area.

How would I respond to that?

The easy response would be exactly what the person gave me. But, I know me. I can safely and confidently say that is not how I would respond. Despite how I feel about a person, I do possess a level of compassion which allows me to feel pain alongside others.

I know if I heard that conversation, I would hear the pain the other person was feeling. In church, I have been on the opposite side. I know how I would respond.

My response wouldn't be so glib or uncaring.

My response would be more compassionate. There is little that drives you away from a place or setting than not feeling included or wanted.

The first thing I would have done would be to invite the person to sit down with me at a later time for an extended discussion. Are the feelings motivated by emotion, actions or just missing friends and family? There is always more to what people tell us.

I would begin intentionally encouraging this person, letting them know that they are not alone and they are cared for. It wouldn't matter if I liked the person or not. This person is a brother or sister in Christ and I have a responsibility to them.

During our extended conversation, I would explore exactly what changed. In addition, I would ask about the things which the person enjoyed and ways they are most comfortable getting to know other people. I would discuss expectations and a possible adjustment. Above all, I would pray with and for them and remind them that God cares about this too.

I would make an effort to maneuver social settings with the person, introducing them to positive, encouraging people. I would share with trusted resources that this person could use some extra encouragement and is struggling. Remember, we are the body. We have a responsibility to everyone.

The reason I can be confident in my response is because I have done those things. I have done it for people I don't like and people I don't know. It has been easy. Why has it been easy? Because I know the immense love God has for me and know he has that same love for the other person. God wants me to show an immense love for that person, I'm called to, commanded to. Most importantly, I want to love like that.

My flesh definitely wins here though. Instead of my kind of response, I got what I got. And, it perpetuates those feelings of not belonging here. It pushes me deeper into seclusion and more anxiously awaiting the time when we can move away.