We've been having an occasional, but necessary deep discussion about the future. They started about two months ago about school and have continued about what we want.
My husband will be in September. That means he is in the latter years of his career. There are some things that we have to be absolutely serious about if we want to have any kind of working plan for life.
We both feel called to be diligent with our finances and control our debt. It was 8 years ago that we were over $150,000 in debt. That was a loan on one car and all the rest was credit card. I won't belabor the point, but probably 90% of the debt was created through credit card fraud by my mom. It took place over about a years time and was taken in large cash advances.
We assumed the debt and I assumed responsibility. We took a second mortgage on the house and a 401k loan from ourselves to avoid financial ruin.
We lived on a tight budget for years, saving any extra for vacations. My husband worked three jobs at one time so we could have vacations. Then we had to sell our house. Through that, we were able to dump our debt and second mortgage. However, we had to pay nearly $30,000 out of pocket to clear our house. The move created a laundry list of surprises. A trashed house that didn't appraise high enough, making us pay more down. Replacing all appliances. Repairing, cleaning and refreshing the house that was trashed. Repairs on the home we sold. Failed contracts that meant we paid three mortgage payments for six months.
My husband is the only income, see why we are still in a bit of debt recovery mode? It's much easier now, but our goal has to be to spend wisely and not accrue debt.
School at any kind of track to graduate in the next 3-5 years means accruing debt. That's not going to work. School is $20,000 for me to finish. Don't forget, we want to get serious soon about adoption. That is another $15-30,000. We can't swing it all on a fixed budget.
Here's the question my husband posed to me. If you graduate next year, are you going to get a job to pay off a student loan?
I've been thinking and praying about that. The answer is clearly no.
Last semester showed me that I am no where near ready for a 30-40 hour work week with strangers. My PTSD alone with no current counseling leaves me a bit incapacitated at some point most days. Do I think I'm closer to maybe working minimal hours in a safe environment? Yes, much closer to that. So I have to fully admit that ther is no reason to rush through a degree that I'm not going to immediately use.
He also asked me what kind of mom I would want to be if we adopted. Again, I've spent a lot of time with this. I've said for many, many years that I would want to be an involved parent. I would want to be available to volunteer at school, attend events, be home before and after school and possibly home school, depending on our location.
Those things matter to me, a lot. If we are going to be serious about adopting a 5-10 year old child, then a degree is going to sit for a good 8-13 years. Is $20,000 of debt worth that? Do I need a piece of paper worth that much money sitting on a shelf collecting dust? I have to consider what is really important.
I still feel called and have a heart to walk with women and girls through life, especially the tough stuff. My heart still longs to teach and lead. I'm not afraid and I want to serve women of every age. It's possible that God has a plan for that which doesn't involve a degree. I know a degree seems to bear weight in the church world.
The truth is that I don't know what the plan is for our lives. Each time I think I know, it changes or the path looks completely different than expected.
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