Those were the lyrics of the last song that played. Some days, it's my prayer. My cry. Today is one of them. This post isn't about Jesus' coming, but it is in a way.
In heaven, it won't matter what I look like or how fat I am. It won't be a struggle for health and constant balancing of what's good and what makes me happy. There won't be judgement amongst the people over what I do or don't do.
Over the past ten days, I've gotten my husband on board with walking. He's starting to be more health conscious. Knowing how to lovingly push him in ways that don't make him feel bullied is a battle. He loves sleep and is the one who hits the snooze seven times before getting up.
In addition to encouraging him, I've had to find the strength to continue the exercising. Unless you've been extremely overweight, you'd probably never understand. It's a challenge physically to get up and go. My ankles, legs and feet hurt. I've got residual hip and foot problems. I know walking will help some of those problems and worsen others. Long term, all of the problems should improve. My back is going to hurt. I'm going to struggle to breathe and often get dizzy or get a headache. It's never easy. Not one day.
Last week, I wrote about how discouraging fat shaming was. This week, satan has decided to attack us both in other ways.
Two of the past four times walking on my road, I've had the same lady smack me in the arm with her mirror. Seriously! Do you get what I'm saying? I don't want to over dramatize it, it was only the mirror and I had only minor bruising and soreness. But, I don't want to minimize it either. A grown woman hit me with her car twice and drove off.
You should know how I walk. I walk on one side or the other and not in the middle of the road. If I see or hear a car coming, I get as far off the road as I can and will stop until the car passes. We start walking about 6:10-6:15 and it is not pitch dark. I can't speak for my husband, but I'd say he probably gets over too.
In the last two days, I've felt under attack for walking in the mornings. There have been multiple people outspoken against us and what we are doing. I don't want to even go into details.
Here's what I will say:
People here absolutely do not get that pedestrians have the right of way. I can't believe what I've seen and been told. It's assanine! Look at state pedestrian laws. Ultimately, drivers have a responsibility to the person on the road unless clearly marked that pedestrians are prohibited.
I cannot believe how completely discouraging people are. One attack was very personal and was more about me being too fat and that the road isn't wide enough for me and a car. I'm tough, but that hurt. I obviously don't want to be so fat or I wouldn't be out walking.
Here is probably the hardest observation for both of us. We aren't doing anything others haven't or don't do. We have lots of walkers and joggers on our road at all times of the day. The difference? We aren't one of them. We haven't always lived here and always walked on the road.
I hate to bring that up, but it's true. We have found that in so many instances, we cannot make the right decision. We have been looked down on or told we shouldn't do or say things that we observe others doing. We abide by the unwritten rules and get told we are cold and standoffish. There's no winning with about 95% of the population. We are outsiders. We are going to be wrong even if we act and look like a local. Keep in mind, there are a handful of people who don't treat us that way.
There's a lady at church who snubs me weekly. She comes over, stands right over me and shakes the hand of the lady sitting next to me. I've tried to shake her hand, only to have her push mine out of the way.
When that happens at church, it's easy to believe people driving on our road would treat us the same. It's sad, but it's reality for us.
Since we've decided to stay, it something we have to cope with. It shouldn't be, but it is. People who can't make eye contact with us, won't shake our hands and hit us with their cars. I'm not angry and it doesn't change how I feel about this community. My God is bigger and has given me a heart for this area. But it doesn't mean I'm not sad. It doesn't mean that I'm not discouraged.
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