You know that old saying, "Don't judge a book by it's cover."? I am guessing most people do. It seems to be one of those things that every person hears as a child.
I am sure it is meant to teach all of us to not judge others and leads to the lesson that what's on the inside isn't necessarily what's on the outside. This maybe just a random thought, but if we are all taught that then where did we learn to ignore it?
At some time or another, I am sure we all have looked at something or someone and made a quick determination about that subject/object which was based solely on what it looked like. I know I have and do often.
For years, I wouldn't eat mustard. Why? Because it had the consistency, smell and color of something I once saw in a baby diaper. After my husband finally broke my resistance and forced me to try mustard. I loved it, couldn't believe I'd waited so long to try it and now use it on everything.
It is easy to dismiss things or people when they don't look a certain way. I know some of it is done for self protection. I will be the first to admit that I often superficially categorize a certain type of person so that they are kept at a safe distance and I am set up to be hurt by them.
It is just as easy to make stereotypical assumptions about a person because of the way they dress, what they drive, what you have heard about them, what you don't know about them or a myriad of other things.
This past weekend, I found myself guilty of just that and reminded of how much I dislike having it done to me.
A large, burly older man crawled off his bike, walked in the diner sporting his riding chaps and leather gloves. He had a scraggly, gray beard and looked weathered and hard. In walked a women behind him, not much smaller but with a little less facial hair. They looked like the type who with a wrong look or implied insult would start a bar room brawl. They sat at the table beside us, as I prepared myself for the filthy language and insults which would surely fly from their mouths.
Not that I was eavesdropping, but we were close enough to hear them talk. Much to my surprise, they were soft spoken. They were discussing a ride they were considering which benefited children. After they had eaten, they shared a sweet moment together and a moment that I was privileged to see. The man grabbed his wife's hand, professed his love to her and nearly reduced me to tears.
It was a sweet moment, but I think the tears were more from my own guilt. I had judged them based on what they looked like. It was a reminder of how easily I can be proven wrong when I take just a brief second to put aside my own assumptions and observe the person.
The tears I cry today as I write this are over my own struggles with this. I obviously and admittedly struggle with judging a book by it's cover, but it hurts so deeply when others do that to me.
I think it is easy for people to make the assumption that I am lazy because I am a bigger person. I know that I have been labeled as crazy or incompetent because of the issues I deal with daily. People often assume that I am standoffish because I tend to be introverted or even scared in a group of people. It is probably easy to assume I am dumb because I don't read much or don't have some fancy degree.
I could tell you none of those things are true, but that wouldn't likely change the stereotype or assumption. It would take one of those moments of seeing the real me to change your mind.
I leave you with a challenge...set aside what you think is true about someone you don't know well or even one you do and look for that moment when they are offering to show you who they really are.
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