Friday Fun

I spent today like I do many Fridays (and a lot of days too), mostly alone.  I'm ok with being alone most of the time, but sometimes it lets my mind wander too far off course and I end up stuck on a thought that I can't shake.

As I took a break from cleaning, it hit me that I've been couped up in my house most of this week alone.  A full week of looking at the same walls with just an occasional break in the silence by barking dogs.

Most everyone I know has an idea that I do not drive.  No, it's not because I lost my license or got into legal trouble.  Since I most weeks I get less than 12 hours of sleep, it's not safe for me or others if I am behind the wheel of a car.  Once in a while when I have gotten a bit more rest, I'll get to drive during the day.  That's pretty rare though.

There are probably only a handful of people who really know what life is like for me.  Those are the ones who have a better idea of what it's like for me when I am stuck in this house for five days straight.

Outside of my husband, there are only two people who really make sure I get to where I need to go or get errands done or even just get out of the house for my own mental health.

That means, if I want to go anywhere at all, I have EXACTLY three people to rely on.  My husband works three jobs and is exhausted by the time he finally makes it home around 9 pm.  One of those is a woman who goes above and beyond to make sure I'm taken care of, but has a job, family, etc.  The last of the three, is a woman who takes me out one evening a week.  We get dinner, do grocery shopping and might catch an occasional errand. 

I found out this week that one of the women who help me will eventually be moving away, narrowing the field back down to two.  Out of all the people I know, I will have to rely on two....ONLY 2...people to do everything I need to do.

Not that I don't count all three as a blessing, I do.  I am very thankful for the time each of them spend with me.  But even at three, it sucked.   When you have to rely on others for everything, three just isn't enough.  So, two is really going to suuuuuccckkkk!  I'm really not whining either, just being honest.

So my moppy little head started to wander or maybe wonder today.  With no end in sight with the sleep problems and being grounded to the house, what's the next thing?   Will that base of resources ever grow with healthy people who have a desire to help?  Will the rest of my life be like this? 

Tangled up in that mess in my head are the many voices that have all said, "God is sufficient.  God will supply.  God knows and isn't tied down by the same boundaries that bind us."  And, I know all of that is true.  I just can't see that when the road ahead looks so empty.

Ahhh...back to cleaning I go...time for more fun and less thinking!