Girlyness

It's funny, I used to think a mani-pedi was something bad.  By bad, I mean something like a bikini wax kind of bad.  Funny how you think a certain way when you have no idea what something is.

In my entire life, I've only had one manicure.  Why?  Because up until a few years ago, I never liked "girly" things.  I also am a self-convicted nail biter.  It's pretty subconscious thing.  My fingernails are really flat and super thin.  That means they tear easy and not much fun to grow out anyway.

But I learned what a pedicure was several years ago and boy did I love it.

The first time I had one, I was so nervous.  I was scared to have anyone touch my feet.  It was a fear that I didn't understand, but it would stress me out.  After my first dozen or so pedicures, I would go directly home and cry like a baby.  By the next day I would be so happy with my pretty toes and soft feet.  Yes, I had developed a secret love for the girlyness of a pedicure.

To most people, that wouldn't sound like that big of a deal.  For me, it was.  It took me a long time to really understand my crying, fearful reaction to having something done to my feet that I really did enjoy. 

When I was in grade school, my dad tortured my brother and I one day in a fit of rage that I still don't understand.  He stripped us of our clothes and sat us on the concrete floor of the garage.  One by one, he pulled our toenails off with a pair of pliers. 

I think my reaction to having anyone touch my toes was probably understandable.  As much as I love pedicures, I still get tense and can get teary-eyed afterward.

But....this is one, maybe the only one, little thing that I haven't let him steal every bit of joy out of.

My birthday was low-key this year.  I received one gift.  A gift certificate for a mani-pedi.  I going to go use that gift certificate.  I may get stressed and hate it for a moment, but I'm going to enjoy it afterward.  I'm going to enjoy a moment of girlyness.