Girlfriends

I have lots of friends and aquaintances. But if I had to really condense that, I'd have to say I only have a few close, deep relationships with one developing here.

And if I had to be honest, I'd say of those half dozen or so relationships, there are an equal number of men and women. and of those, it took years and years to develop most of them. Years to learn to trust, value relationships and believe that person wasn't planning to hurt me.

I've said this before but it remains true...it is much easier to befriend a man than a woman. As I start anew here, I find myself evaluating why this is so.

Let me start by saying that relationships with men have absolutely nothing to do with sex or lust. If you know me at all, you know that sexual attraction is not a driving force for me. Just putting that out there so there's no confusion.

Secondly, when I develop a relationship with a man, it always resembles a brother/sister relationship. If I don't have that sibling type of love for the person, chances are they'll never be a good friend.

So, why?

Well, I tend to enjoy conversation with men more than women. I gravitate toward manly activities like sports and cars. I've always been that way. I like that men talk with less emotion and more facts. They don't gossip or bitch.

I also tend to have more respect for men. If I need correction or have deep questions about life or the bible, I'd prefer to talk with a man. This will probably always be the case. One thing years of abuse set up for me is to respect men in authority.

Women are so much harder for me. I don't seem to fit. I don't enjoy shopping or gabbing about senseless things or gossiping.

Not all, but a lot of women play games with one another. They expect you to understand them and know exactly what they want. I don't get that. I'm not that way. Again, not all, but many are so not trustworthy. They take what you say in confidence and it spreads like wildfire.

You can imagine that is all making it more difficult to develop relationships here. When I'm in small groups of women, I'm often off to the side by myself. But I could talk to the neighbor guy for hours and never get tired.

I don't know how to fix this without altering who I am. I just got comfortable with who I am, I'm not sure I can change. Even if I did, I'd eventually revert back to the true me and still not fit.

I also don't know how to explain to these people I don't know that I'd much rather sit and watch the game with the guys than go shopping or gossip. Hopefully I can find that too and at least work toward some balance.