The other shoe

I'm sure you've heard that saying about waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well....

Life has been too good lately, which means satan is in full blown attack mode.

Two weeks ago, things couldn't have been better. I was loving life and things were far better than I anticipated.

I was loving this area. Loving church. Felt great. Plans for infertility treatment and school were moving forward.

Then the past week happened and everything came to a screeching halt.

I spent the better part of a night in the ER with what we can only guess is a gallbladder problem. I can't get in until mid December to get further testing. Until then, my digestive system is totally jacked up and I spend about every other night puking.

My first fertility appointment was to be tomorrow. Guess what? They won't treat with major issues, like gallbladder going on. So that appointment is in limbo and likely cancelled until further notice. It probably deserves a post of its own, but I'm having major second thoughts about the process.

You can imagine with the gallbladder problem and stress of it all, I no longer feel great. My most recent gyno issues have caused my anemia to come back and my hemoglobin to drop. Cue the constant sleeping, no physical energy, rapid heart beat and being freezing cold all the time.

School is in limbo at this point too. Partially because I can't get my high school transcript and partially becaus of me.

I can't decide between two schools and three programs. It's a huge commitment. At nearly $6000 per semester, I need to make sure it's right. I know my own insecurity is plaguing me too.

There are so many good things about a small church. I would never say that it's easy to adapt when changing from a medium sized church to a small church. Really, it's probably less about church and more about adapting period. Even after six months, we still find that we have a lot of adapting left to do.

I'm not surprised by any of this. I expected it.

What I didn't expect was my response. My need to self protect has kicked into overdrive. I want to withdraw and not leave home. I've said it before, but the amount of stuff since January has been so overwhelming. We aren't quite out from under the weight of it all and it's still crushing us.

I thought I was beyond that, beyond withdrawing. I guess not. So, I'll quietly battle this round the best I can. I don't have a support system here to help and encourage. I'll make it through all of this, but it's hard right now.