This week has been good. I've continued my baby steps to a healthier me. I've felt encouraged and loved. I was invited to a girls night. Not to get all weird, but I was giddy!
I've stayed busy. I started the week dead tired and almost worried something was wrong. Remember, I get anxious waiting for the next bad thing to happen when things are good. But after that, I got energy back and have been busy.
Yesterday, I baked my second batch of 20+ dozen cookies for church. While I was baking away, I had The Message playing on Dish, a Sirius music channel. I sang along and worshipped as I baked.
About six pans in, I realized there was a definite flaw in how I've been feeling. Don't get me wrong, being content and happy is a good place to be. It's ok. It's meaningful and right to praise God when things are going well.
But here's the flaw. I've been happier with God the past two weeks, because I've been happier with people. As I've struggled the past year to develop relationships and haven't felt like I belong, I've had a hard time praising God.
My love of God, my worship, shouldn't be affected by my personal relationships.
In fact, I should have praised Him all along for always being there when I felt alone. It's great that it's so easy to praise and worship right now, but it always needs to be that way.
I know, it's a classic lesson in praising God in the good and bad. However, it's good and healthy for me to recognize how I correlate how I feel about people and relationships to how I feel about God. It helps me understand why it's easy to skip church when I'm unhappy or lonely. Why my bible gathers dust when loneliness brings depression. It gives me an opportunity to change what I hold onto next time this happens.
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