A couple months ago, I had a conversation with a dear friend which has stuck with me. We were talking about loving one another. Do we really do our best at loving each other the way God loves us? Do we even come close to loving each other the way God wants us to love each other?
My friend shared his personal perspective about how maybe he hadn't been loving his own brother like he should. I can't share his story because it's a very personal one that isn't mine to tell. However, the conviction he shared stuck with me. Not only that, but I've had the opportunity to witness his growth in this area and overtly show a love for his brother.
That conversation has stayed tucked away in my heart and wiggles its way to my head every time I think about my own brothers.
The past few weeks to months have shown me that I have made huge strides in my ability to love people. Unquestionably, I have developed a deep, deep love for a few of my friends. They had only been acquaintances for so long, that I'm not sure when it crossed over into this semi-unfamiliar area. I honestly can't explain it. It's not my nature to have this kind of love for people who really haven't first shown that kind of love for me. But it's there and it's real. I laugh, cry, hurt, rejoice with them without any notion that I am out of place. Even if they don't share that deep compassion for me, it is concrete for me. Completely not my nature!
That is exactly the same kind of love that I should have for my brothers.
I've spent a lot of time recently thinking through what keeps me from loving them like that. I realized that it was anger and hurt. What I didn't realize is that my hurt and anger was completely misplaced.
As I listened to the new song "Forgiveness" by Matthew West, it all came together for me.
I MUST consider who my brothers are. They are abuse survivors. They come from the same, twisted, evil that I did. They have become what they were taught to be. Their actions make sense given the depravity they come from.
WOW!
They both have done awful, mean, hurtful, damaging things to me, which would make a relationship impossible for us. The fact that they both have relationships with my parents is another hurdle and probably the one that will keep a physical distance between us.
After considering our common bond, surviving evil, I don't think I can hold onto any anger I have toward them. The hurt I feel should rightly be placed on my parents, not my brothers.
In West's song, he says "Show me how to love the unlovable. Show me how to reach the unreachable. Show me how to do the impossible."
I think the first thing I've had to do is realize my brothers, just like me, are NOT unlovable. Doing what seemed impossible, forgiving them, really wasn't in my reach. Not until I accepted that they weren't unlovable.
My brothers are lovable. In fact, I believe God had great compassion for them.
It is an act of God, an act far outside of my reach alone, that I can sit here and tell you today that I my heart is full of love for them. There is no anger or hurt toward them left in me. Sure, I'm angry and more hurt than ever over what my parents have done. But all that is left for my brothers is compassion, understanding and love for my brothers.
I may not like what they do and I may feel pain over the loss of relationship, but I love them anyway. I honestly believe they are living the best possible lives they can given their background.
My final thought is that I wonder what life would be like for them if they were believers. What if they knew how to have that deep love for people because they knew God had that kind of love for them?
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