Incredible Growth

Something else that has changed over the past year is my walk with Jesus.

Keep in mind that two years ago and beyond, I struggled with the bible.

I sat through sermons, barely able to listen or sit still. I had people try to do bible studies with me and I failed every time. I even had a dear sweet friend sit every week and read the bible with me, which I often say through in anger or didn't pay attention.

There was so much anger in me. I came out of a satanic home. My dad sold his soul to the devil, literally. He has a satanic cult bible. You don't come out of that heavy satanic influence and just suddenly start loving Jesus or reading the bible.

I'll tell you, you fight it every but of the way. You fight truth with lies because the lies have been bigger than you your entire life. You're angered by the bible and scripture. Inside, the spiritual battle rages. It's a fight of good versus evil, God versus satan. It's complete chaos and it manifests in very bad behavior.

That was me for five years. I felt like I was the dumb kid. I'd been a christian for five years and I knew so little. The chaos kept me from hearing. I lacked all confidence that I'd ever get it or that if ever be able to grab onto this thing called faith.

Thankfully, I had some awesome people who knew the score. They knew the spiritual battle and they were warriors who rallied around me. They were the ones who never let me go. There were others, but these three were on the front lines. They carried my husband and I through when we didn't have it in us to go a step further. I rarely mention names here. That's partially because none of the people would ever take credit. They'd give all glory to God. But Kandy, Dawson and Kim, we are forever thankful that you allowed God to work through you. We are thankful you never gave up.

As far as my spiritual life goes, I'd say you could describe the last 18 months as a growth spurt.

My prayer life has never been this active. I pray daily. And it's not just a quick, please God prayer. Although I still have those. I spend time talking with God about His will for my life. I ask the hard questions. I ask for Him to provide answers or people when I need them. I thank Him. Oh boy, do I praise Him.

When life is hard or I don't understand, I get on my knees. When I'm scared, I'm flat on my face. When I feel like He is far away, I fast.

And this timid, quiet, afraid to pray aloud Chica will praise my God aloud and pray to Him with or in front of anyone.

Another change, my confidence in biblical knowledge. I can't believe it, but all the effort that people put into me with scripture and bible study...it wasn't lost on me. I know stuff.

As I sat in bible study one night, I realized that I could answer every question that was being asked. Where was it coming from? I was a bible dumby. Soon, I started participating. Now, I have to be self aware so that I give others a chance to answer.

It's not just there. I can have conversation about things in the bible with people. I still feel behind, but not afraid. If I don't know, I'll go find it. If I have a question, I'll ask.

It's awesome to see the benefit of people not giving up.

I've also started to read again. Read the bible. Read books. Do bible studies by myself. That's been going on for about 18 months, but still exciting.

Yes, I've finally started to grow up. I'm not longer a baby. I still have a lot to learn but I'm no baby!