No Help

So, onto what happened long before getting sick.

We agreed before moving that it was time for me to go back to school. The plan was to get the last of my hours and take less than a year to graduate with a business degree.

I have lots of business experience. It comes easy for me and naturally. Easy choice.

Because I was so sick and the house hadn't sold, I knew I'd miss the fall semester enrollment. No biggie. Just delayed.

From the time we found out we had to move to the day the house sold, my husband went into a severe depression.

It was more than everyday depression. Most of his days, he struggled to function at work. At home, he was moody, hateful and completely shut down. He cried over everything and barely spoke to anyone.

I watched helplessly as his mental well being slipped away. I often found my love and care balanced with fear. I was fearful he would hurt himself or both of us. If I'd ask, he denied it. But I knew because I had been where he was. I knew.

When he sat in our bedroom this summer and admitted he'd considered suicide, I knew it was time he get help.

His family doctor here had helped manage his meds and had gotten him in toxic with the mental health center here. The problem? It was May and they told him that he would be on a wait list for both a psychiatrist and counselor until November or December.

Are you flipping kidding me?

So while he waited and got worse, I asked our pastor about local counseling. Honestly, we'd preder christian and not secular. Poor guy, that's the first communication he gets from me. I asked about counseling and discipleship. Nothing! There was nothing. Thankfully, the pastor was able to talk with him and it helped him to know someone cared and was praying.

Then there's me. Sick. Then grieving. I too call all over the area for counseling. It was clear that unless I had a substance problem or was a newly released criminal, I wasn't getting help.

I got on the wait list at the mental health center. Since I was not doctor referred, my wait time would be longer. It will be late spring or early summer 2015 for me.

Again, thankfully our pastor took on my grief and very emotionally charged bible questions.

I have two major medical insurances. I have a history of mental health need. And there was nothing for me within an hour of my house. I needed help and couldn't get it.

This area we live in is filled with people like us. They are broken. They are hurting. A lot live in poverty. It's a very depressed area. The economy has knocked many of these people down and life keeps kicking them. A lot are uninsured and unemployed. Jobs are tough to find in the nearby areas.

There's nobody here to help them. Nobody! Nobody to listen to their hearts and nobody to point them in any other direction beside their all too familiar ways of coping and self medicating.

My heart is breaking for these people. My heart knows there's a better way. My heart feels the call to show them that they don't have to walk through this life alone. My heart loves them.