Incredible Healing

There has been an amazing amount of healing over the past year.

Albeit hard, leaving my first church was the first step. I still have friend there and we just choose not to talk about it.

For me, it was toxic. I had come to a point where I wasn't going to grow and there was no joy in serving. I don't need to enumerate all of the things that happened, just know they did. I also must say that when you reach a point in a church when you can't muster even the slightest bit if respect for the pastor, then your time is up.

Beyond that, this move has brought my husband and I closer together than ever before. I had to step up and care for him more than ever too. It gave me a new respect for marriage and our vows. It was the first time we've ever gone through a tough time that I never threatened to leave. I stood firm and vowed to fight for my husband and his well being.

Now let's get down to the most notable healing.

I've never in my life been too far away from my family. Two hours max. I was always within driving distance. Always within harassing distance. Always within abusing distance.

Guess what? A lot changes when you are approximately 766 miles or nearly 13 hours away from the man who has literally had control in your life for over 39 years.

I'm finally safe. For the first time in my life, I am safely tucked away in Ohio ans far, far away from my parents. Let me repeat...I no longer have to fear them.

There is a lot of natural healing that just came. I didn't need to talk through it. It didn't take weeks of working through this memory or that. It came as a big sigh the first time I explained that my family was over 700 miles away.

The house we sold, was never a safe place. My dad, my mom, one of my brothers, they all did horrific things to me in that house. I didn't go into the basement for over 10 years. If I did, I quickly lost control to the flashbacks that to over.

I was physically attacked at gunpoint on my block. I don't have a lot of memories of this, but it happened a few years ago.

We left behind all the trauma.

Let me say it again cause it's so damn freeing. I. AM. SAFE. HERE.

Yes, I'll still make contact with a counselor. I know with a history as extensive as mine, there are going to be things that come up. There will be things that trigger me. There will be times when life is hard. There will be holidays and birthdays that remind me of the choice I had to make and the feelings of abandonment or loneliness. I'm wise to that. I know that for my own well being, I'll need that.

I don't think I'm quite ready to head back to work. I still struggled with driving. I really only drive to doctor appointments, the grocery store, the library or church. I still fight insomnia and that tends to make me not reliable. However, those things are improving. I hope soon, I'll not deal with any of those things.

So that is a basic update of the general mental state. It'd be really unfair to judge my mental status by what you read here. This is my cry out to Jesus forum and often its not a fair indication of how things really are.