The Changes

When I said there has been good over the past year, I was being honest. We are just a couple weeks shy of being here a year. While I am ready to put the past year behind me, I do have so much to be thankful for in it.

I have grown as a person and matured in my faith.

Just prior to moving, my faith was on shaky ground. Leaving our first church left me with a lot of questions and fears. From the moment we learned of the move, my faith began to mature and hasn't really stopped. That's not to say that I haven't questioned why things have happened, but ultimately my faith has grown stronger. I trust God more today than ever before. 

My relationship with my husband has never been better. Again, I won't say it has been perfect or that I haven't struggled with it at times. But, the love and respect we have for each other has never been so strong. We have learned to trust each other more. We have learned to rely on each other and be more reliable with each other. Living in a place where you only have each other can either drive you apart or together and it is has pushed us together.

I can't hardly believe the ways I have grown as a person. I have become softer, more caring and loving. It's a change I couldn't have manipulated within myself. It is all God. I have a greater capacity to love people, people I don't know and people I wouldn't typically like. I have found that it takes more to make me angry and I have a greater ability to forgive. I think I also have a better grasp on grace than I ever have. Keep in mind that what you see on the blog is only part of my life. 

One of the biggest changes is the direction of my life. We have long discussed me going back to school. That has finally happened. I am nearly finished with my first semester back in school and am scheduled to graduate next May. That's crazy to even think about. If we were still in KC, I'm not sure I'd be where I am at now. 

We are moving closer, inch by inch, to pursuing adoption. At the end of this year or beginning of next, we plan to get a bit more serious about the process. Had the past year not happened, I'm not sure we would have really addressed this part of our lives. 

Another big change is the emotional healing I have gained by living here. Despite the trials, I am emotionally healthier. I can't deny that I have hit some low points. Losing two babies devastated me and crippled me emotionally. I have fought loneliness. But none of it has kept me from healing.

I have learned to better appreciate friends. New and old, I have learned to not take for granted those who never leave your side. My goodness. While minimal in number, I know that good friendships have gotten me through the worst of times this past year. 

I know the next year will have trials. As my friend says, Jesus' life wasn't easy, I shouldn't expect mine to be. But, I hope that next year, I can look back and see all the ways I have matured and grown. I hope that beyond the trials, I can say that I survived and am better for it.