Sidelined

What a difference a day makes!

I've been stuck in this emotional circle and certainly focused on me. It's had me down, no doubt. Don't get me wrong, my grief is absolutely right and appropriate.

Easter is this week. It's another holiday that we used to spend with my husbands family. It's a very spiritual and very oriented holiday. Those things make it hard here in Ohio. It isn't like we can make the trip for Easter Sunday, it's a 14 hour drive. With the exception of the sermon content, it will be like any other Sunday for us.

It's also one of those Sunday's that not having children slaps us in the face. We don't get to teach our children about the resurrection. We also don't get to do the commercialized things like buy dresses and dye eggs.

Those things are ok to grieve. Loneliness and loss deserve acknowledgement. They are unique to a small portion of the population. Infertility and the loneliness of living over 600 miles away from friends and family aren't known to everyone.

Those things are certainly ever present for me this week, but have taken a bit of sideline. My relatively boring life has suddenly gotten busy this week.

Our new puppy has his first vet appointment today along with our oldest who has a thyroid problem.

My primary focus has shifted to my husband. He tore his bicep on Sunday and has been in a lot of pain. We saw a specialist today and he's had tests. We should know soon if surgery is needed. Either way, he's got about six months of healing to do.

It's so different seeing him down. My strong husband is broken. His arm has a decreased range of motion and very little strength without pain. I watched a doctor half his size twist his hand because he has no strength right now. Up until that point, I'd been very matter of fact. That's how I get in an emergency situation. I take charge and systematically get things done without panic. I don't sugar coat things and lay out a plan for worst case scenario.

I'm completely opposite of I'm the one with an emergency. But with him, I got things done with guidance from a nurse friend. Seeing the doctor was the right direction. But when I saw that my husbands strength was gone, I melted. It's tough seeing your tough guy broken and in pain. Selfishly, I prayed not for his healing, but his strength to be restored.

Obviously I don't want him to have to go through surgery. But if he does, I'll step up and do what I need to then.

I have a bunch of schoolwork to do this week as well. I started slow Monday thinking I'd have a slow week to get it all done. Now I'm scrambling to make sure it is done. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad I'm available when my husband needs me.